Inch Of Me

oo tak mungkin?

2012-02-13T12:10:00.000+08:00

ooya pada saat ini terasa seperti ingin memerah limau jauh ke dasar kerongkong sebab sore throat ini seolah-olah menguji kesabaran aku pula tau. Saitan!

So, its been awhile since my last post and I have lots of bulls to share. Im like..finally doing my practical now..where?in KKFM..the place where i wanna be..if u asked me why i dun have the answer..i guess its dat feeling u feel when u really love someone but u cant explain why and how u love them?ya..I guess so.

Faye is getting married soon and I still can't believe it man..not that i dun think she dont deserve to get married but its about how fucking fast the time walked by and when u look around, everybody is getting married, planning for family and future together, and u dun even have a boyfriend.aww shucks.

Boyfriend?I have nothing to say.

I rather focus on my career..Im just so sick and tired of getting sick and tired with relationship. Its not dat im desperate..i just need a guy who have his balls to confront his friends when he found the right girl and not feel ashame to lower down his ego..hold ur hand when u guys walked, introduced u to his friends, call u baby, saying i love you when his friends keep teasing him at the back..I dun think this kind of guy exist anymore..if u do...i dare you to move bebeh!now..this sound real pathetic..whatever it is, i dun expect much in a guy..i dun really have a type,like..If i LIKE you, i like you.as simple as that..

And as the time goes by, i swear i can listen to my own tummy growling..owh man..this cannot be happening..

Bilang mau diet.

My Ugly Truth

2011-07-31T23:01:00.000+08:00

Every now and then, I always remind myself to be focus on what I really want in my life and stay on track to make sure my life is moving towards what I aim for. But, every now and then, too, I found myself drowning in uncertainties as if I am trapped in a darkness and my vision is blur..It makes me think that maybe I am too afraid of stepping out from my comfort zone because I don't want to take the risk and bare with the consequences I might face.

Yes. I am very very pessimist. And I have a very very low self-confidence. Peoples who knows me will say that I am very positive and enthusiastic in everything, from opinions, advises, to decisions. But, peoples who knows me well, will know that my biggest flaw is self-confidence. Sometimes,in certain situation I feel like I have NONE of it and I ended up bluffing this and that.

Random: If I happen to be in a job interview, I will not mention about having low self-esteem as my biggest weakness. Its like a taboo for me. Na-a.

I guess, having this problem is the main reason why I keep on putting my life on pause because I just cant believe in my ability. I know that I can go far by trusting my guts but something always holding me back from grabbing opportunities. My biggest concern is, my future, my career to be exact. As an eldest child, I carry a very big responsibility in my shoulder and my goal is to make life easier for me and my family. How the hell am I supposed to achieve that by having this so called 'denial' I bury inside me?

I don't have much time left you see, I only have one semester left and i'll be off for my practical and my practical determine what kind of 'supply' is going to feed me. Damn, I guess tonight is going to be another sleepless night for me.

Facts: When something is bothering me, I always think about how to change my life and how my life is going to change before I go to sleep.

By the way, Happy Fasting to all of you respectful Muslims.

Equilibrium and the state of mind.

2011-07-14T19:33:00.000+08:00

As I started typing, I realized that I have reach to a certain point where I don't know what to do about my life. As pathetic as it sounds, I really have to admit that I am currently jobless, money-less,loveless and I bet there's more to come. I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact that I'm hitting the cougar list, PMS, or maybe its a test from God?

1. Jobless
Well apparently, I am not really jobless la its just that I am having a really2 long 4 months semester break and I am officially an unproductive youth who spends most of her time at home, being an internet-freak, worrying about weight issue, wondering if she can make a dollar via internet marketing and hell to the yeah..the list goes on. Being at home is totally not what makes a person to have a care-free and worry-less life..Ironically, you have more time to think about the future and when you realized that you have no freakin idea about how your future going to be,that's when the worry kicks in..and when you worry, you try to calm yourself by acting like you don't give a damn and pretending that it didn't effect you at all..BUT IT ACTUALLY BOTHERS EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF YOUR LIFE..Sorry to say but you're screwed..big time.

You must be thinking to yourself, If i'm Jobless,why not considering a part time job,right?Well the answer may lead you to..

2. Broke.
Yes, I am totally Broke. Usually in times like these I prefer to just calm myself by saying things like 'money comes and go', things gonna be okay and stuff but i'll be lying if I said dat it didint paranoid me..I feel useless at certain time because I cant even pay for a bus ride to go look for a job..each time I go out from my house is an expenses. And due to this problems, I seldom top-up my phone,go out even just for roti kosong at mamak's like I always did, and many more. Yea,life sucks at the moment for me.

3.LDR
For those of you who dont have a clue about what LDR means, Its actually a shortform for Long Distance Relationship and yeap, I am one of those who involved with this kind of relationship now. To tell you truth, I never believe in LDR, because I dont think couples could get a very good communication without being able to see each other face to face. And my relationship is pretty much sucks right now. I dont like the way things go I might as well have a change of heart.Lets just see how long I can stay. Karma is a bitch.

4.Family problem
Me and my mom..*sigh*

I am just so freakin tired of caring too much on everything but nobody cares about me. I am not emo mind you, Im just lack of motivation. Fuck this, Fuck that, Fuck everything.

Dear Heart, Please stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood, that's it.

Ba Ba Black Sheep

2011-04-18T23:17:00.000+08:00

I can't believe my last post was on February 8..Looks like I've been abandoning my blog for like almost two months and a half..no?HECK, its a no surprise coz i've been procastinating in this blogging thingy just to give ways on my busy student life..just some random info..im listening to Azlan and the Typewriter- Jeritan Batinku while typing this..such a strong cover of P. Ramlee's masterpiece..ahhhh..i always wish that I can involved with such kind of projects (covering song with bands)..But i guess im just too talented-less to experienced one..hoho..:-/

So, im having my study week right now but as usual..I prefer to just take fully rest before I start struggling with books, notes, pastyears, Nescafe 3 in 1, sleepless nights and the list goes on..I dont know why but all I can say is this semester is the most tiring and challenging sem for me..I've been busy since January and only up till last week, I was able to get enough sleep..hell to the yeah..I sleep like a baby..So to wrap things up..here is my "what's happening?"

January:
- All of my classes starts at 8am, Monday - Friday..Bad Start!
- Usual stuffs, meetings for Environment and Issue
- Busy shopping..duh~ its ptptn season.
- starts collecting ideas as well as ideas to generate funds for our projects.
- We get tired on deciding places to eat.

Basically its just the these basic things which happened on January.

February:
- This is the busiest month.
- We had our sales activity for Valentine * I was badly sick, and I lost my voice during this time*
- We conduct tree planting activity *massive tired*
- We conduct rugby tournament two days in a row * we are the Sales AJK, we cooked, we stayed up till dawn, we sell, we picking up rubbish, we get under the sun, we climbing up and down stairs, we rock! and tired, and broke*
- We had our 1 tests and quizzes
- We get tired on deciding places to eat.

March:
-Its the make it happen month.
- We had our Issue Seminar in Courtyard.
- I was the emcee of the day, me and my partner tired of getting everythings in hand. We fight with pur junior. My partner falls asleep during the last talk was held. My feets are killing me. I got not money to pay for parking fee. I am a zombie.
- We went to BBA Part 3 seminar - We got bitched by bitches.
- My partner and I go from uitm-menggatal-luyang-next to luyang-luyang again because of stupid miscomminucation. Peoples are just stupid sumtimes, there are no explanation for that, they're just stupid.
- Went to Klinik Kesihatan Luyang for Malaria propholysis meds.
- Went to Unit Kesihatan uitm to borrow first aid kit.
- Went shoppin for Mulu things.
- Packing for Mulu. Its tiring.
- We went to MULU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i will post specifically on this trip later..later la)
- We missed MULU
-TEST,PRESENTATION,ASSIGNMENT
- We get tired of deciding on places to eat.

APRIL:
- The post-mortem month
- We welcomed Kelantan
- We bbq-ed with Kelantan
- We bowled with Kelantan
- We had dinner with Kelantan
- We dance and sing with Kelantan
- We say bye2 to Kelantan
- We fight in class during post-mortem
- We stay in Library from 8.30am-8.30pm
- We stay up late to finished our report in 1 day time.
- We went crazy for awhile.
- We still get tired of deciding on places to eat.

Pretty Hectic huh? This is just a sum-up..I haven't add on other events such as, our sudden trip to Labuan, Our trip to the LandFills, Our whole activity in Mulu, Our....*yawn*..I have too much to tell actually..But my eyes keep shutting down forcing me to sleep. I can't help it..omaigot...

Ba, x buli lama2 ne..karang telimpas tu ngantuk..imma go to bed now..i hope i'll be writing again another time..

Sometimes..behind every bitch, there is a man that made her that way.

2011-02-08T13:36:00.000+08:00

I'm up and supposedly, content. I mean, every thing's going steady. I'm trying to focus on school, work, and my family situation is ok... not necessarily the best but things are working out ok. I decided to end my previous relationship yang duuuuulu duuuuuuuluuuuu punya and move on with someone who seems to care for me more than the latter ever did.... Relationship. I guess that's what confuses me to some extent.

Of course, after experience we begin to realize that it isn't at all glamorous as the television screen hypes it up to be. Sparks fly in the beginning, rapid conversation is exchanged, steady streams of expressed compassion... then begins to fade and the true test takes places. The process of maintaining one. Sure, you can accept an "imperfect person perfectly." But how do you construe the difference in constantly giving someone chances who's resistant to change AND perhaps seeking someone who's willing to come so much more closer to what you truly desire?

Omg..what is up with me. This could be a serious post traumatic syndrome causes by a massive painful disaster shit sore throat and other related sickness. I am sprung! And am I being hyper-sensitive number one advocate for feminism? Not necessarily. I don't value the idea of gender equality being on an unbalanced see-saw no matter what gender it is. There are unequal mandates, laws, hell even preconceived notions about each gender that still needs work but no, I'm not going to picket around and bash every male in sight. I'm sure there does exist that man who sees the same route as I do.

Well I know its not my bday yet but i have only one wish...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD,PLEASE CURE MY SORE THROAT, I CAN'T BARELY EAT, DRINK, SLEEP, AND LAUGH. Life is too beautiful for me to go thru every single day with bitter meds and swearings..yada yada yada..sakelake baby!

owhh..and yeah..Please please please post this person via Pos Laju..He is insensitive and can be a pain in the ass sometime..but i'm sure he'll come in a cute package because there's nothing more that I needed now rather than his love..love..love..love..(Jason Mraz-I'm Yours).

My Teenage Dream

clap clap

2010-12-23T01:27:00.000+08:00

" dont care-->kata2 dr seorang yg gmuk+pengumpat tegar+suka sibuk hal org+hal org,dia lebih2..miahahaha...wei, mind ur own business la...aku kurus, ko gemuk..TRY u??euww...teda masa lyn pengumpat2 tegar ni..merbahaya..bkn lawa pun..khakkk, puii(ludah).....last ni aku post bnda psl pngumpat..boring..ignorant"

"vera, ko tau ka sepa yg ckp ni??kwn ko..v**e..gemuk, mcm babs, mulut pnuh taik..gemuk bau lemak, pmpuan isap rokok..ala, clasmte ko dlu 1time dip"

"apit, sepa lg...si v**e la..pakindat puny pmpuan..ko ambk la lemak dia...buat LAKSA PENANG pun bole..hahaha.."

p/s: These statements are made for me. Well said words from a fucker.

say what?

2010-12-22T17:58:00.000+08:00

yea...i really miss my blog..but the thing is i have to put on some clothes to my naked body n rush to the church for confession like NOW!

so yea...see ya later folks.

Take a break..have a kit-kat!~

2010-10-24T01:44:00.000+08:00

I was...supposed to..start..on my revision..

I had a good talk with Chester just now..nothing much and nothing specific..just recalling those 'been there, done that' moment..and just by talking about it..we both realize how much we've changed..to be better la..

Ever since I was a kid, I always been a very troublesome child. I never been the favorite niece among my aunts and uncles..and most definitely never the favorites of my grandparents..I always thinks that I am different from my cousins because i never get the same treatment as they get..Everything I did is wrong..Up to a point that I thought i was adopted because they were really well behaved..unlike my rebellious attitude..I always being compared to my other cousins because they never yelled at their mother..and I did.

As i grow up..I was exposed to so many negative surroundings..i grow up in a quarters where most of the youths involved with gangs, drugs, alcohols, sex and so on..My friends were usually much older than me..3-6 years older than me and thats the reason why that time..I am more matured compare to other kids my age..I remember I always being brought to a small abandoned house by my grown up friends and I just sat there, watching them do drugs, get high and get intimate with their partners..and they are the reason how i met my first boyfriend.

Well..I had my first crush when I was 10 but I had my real first boyfriend when I was 12. When I recalled back the reason for me and him being together, I felt so dumb I slapped myself hard...FYI: He is 5 years older than me and he's a Blackmetal..and surprised surprised..I had my first kiss with him. I know..wtf right? Call me stupid, a bitch or whatsoever..that really happened. I was so crazy in love I spoiled my performance at school..Its obvious that he only in it for fun..helloooooo...what does a 17yr old guy sees in a 12yr old girl???????

I was lucky enough my parents know about this and they broke the relationship..what if my parents never knew about this and I lost my virginity and get pregnant???owh-my~ As soon as my parents knew about this, I was sent to my Aun't place so that we never get the chance to see each other. I remember being so angry with my mother for setting us apart..I live a miserable life because I was not used to live with other people even my relatives..I felt awkward by just sitting with them while having dinner. Ever since that, I never met him anymore and i became a loner and my relationship with my mother wrecked. Looking back I guess being a loner is the reason why I pass with flying colors in my UPSR.

But, the story above is just the starting point of my teenage life. When I entered high school, aahhhhhh...I get even worse. Let see...I started smoking, having rivals with bitches at school, fighting with boys, runaway from home..when I was 13. I had my first girl fights from other school when I was 14..(It was a police-case fyi), I skipped school, involved in underground scenes, and drank alcohol when I was 15. Yeap, I was very rebellious. I don't have a good relationship with my parents. Only when I was 16 and moved to SM Teknik, my behavior getting better, my record getting better, my relationship with my parents getting better, my study getting better..all because I met my second boyfriend. Hmmmm...I consider him as my high school sweetheart..He is nice..he always brought me breakfast from home and sent it to my class in the morning..long story short, He was once, my soulmate.

Moving on..i get into university life. Who would have known right? Jajal2 pun buli msuk U...hahahaha. During my Diploma years..I never really had those damn troubles like my high school years..just some social activities like clubbing, late-night hangouts and love-drama..unhealthy relationships and yada yada yada..And my social life is the reason for my break-up with my second boyfriend..There goes our 4 years relationship, vanished. I think during these times I started to appreciate life more. Especially when I nearly lost my dad, my whole life turns up side down and I began to cherish every moment, good or bad..that happens in my life..until now, I realize that, I was once a troublesome and rebellious girl because nobody taught me about life. All the life-lessons i get is from the bad things that i done..not from anybody's advice, not from my parent's lecture..because obviously, i never listened to my parents at all(dulu). All and all, I live, and I learnt. Truth to be told, Im glad that i get exposed to negativity at such a young age, because, by the time i grow up and girls my age started to involved in 'those', I am so over it already.

To be honest with all of you, I don't even know for what purpose this post serve for. I guess I'm just measuring the life-changing experience I had. Despite the dark past that I have, I am grateful because, I never get involved in drugs, I didn't lose my virginity and get pregnant by my 1st stupid ex-boyfriend and most importantly, I did not lose my dad.

Im 22 years old now and the things that happened in my life never failed to make me realize my standpoint. Its amazing to see that I learnt, what I never been taught.

150

2010-10-19T12:18:00.000+08:00

So,

Haven't been seeing me around eyh? Well, what to do la i was quite..not quite but extremely busy i don't even have time for lovey-dovey stuffs..my chillax routines..my so-called laguan time and yada yada yada..Ahh..here we go again, i was like 20mins stuck in front of the screen thinking about what to type padahal I was so enthusiastic to blog half an hour ago..Whatever la.

It has finally reached the end of the semester and time goes by damn fast im tellin ya. There are few here-and-there things that I don't even notice their progress and blarh. But one thing for sure, I am so not ready for my final exam. I feel like all this while was a total Rocket-fly...I am lost..and..unfortunately not found. But hell with it, a war is not over until I struggles to it. So yea, go figure.

As usual, im having problems in constructing my words so there goes my Whats-Happening?!.

1. This thing called money seriously have some issues with me. I don't know why but they keep on avoiding me.

2. Long hair, short, medium, curl. Nope, Long hair it is.

3. All those people who used to claim that I have a cold-heart really deserves a slap in the face. In some instances, I do love relationship. Hell yeah relationshit is hard but thats just the way it supposed to be right?

4. I think im having PMS soon and i need to have a comfortable distance from everybody..people, just stay 5 feet away from me.

5. I love my dad more than anything in this world.

6.Why do some wives sometimes cheat?

7. I MISS YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS. PLEASE HURRY HOME.

8. Im considering a part-time job its just that i don't have car to move. Sometimes i wonder why I loss my car and don't get any dollars from it?

9. My lappy went kaput again. This is disaster-shit.

10. I don't think Ive change, I guess i just found the real me?

11. Enough ka if I just list down 10 updates..(someway somehow im stil typing).

12. Well, its morning now, this post was actually on PAUSE for 6hours.

13. I guess i have to learn how to save from now on because I noticed I don't possess anything in my life. Yet.

14. I smoked. Again. It's a sin, and Im not proud of it.

15. I missed my bestfriend Nurul. I can't wait for December.

16. You make me love you..:-)

Enough is enough. So that was all. I don't wanna mentioned anything about school because it stresses me out. I am uber tired. I need a vacay somehwere la wth..

P/s: I think this post is totally NOT gonna make myself look better. Told you I'm on PMS.

Yiruma - Kiss The Rain

2010-09-21T00:06:00.000+08:00

Maybe its because of ~~PMS~~ or whatsoever..

BUT..

All I wanna say is..I miss u tooooo muchhh..

More than words can say..

Spaces..Me-time..Privacy..and all that matters..

2010-09-04T02:11:00.000+08:00

Do u know how much space u need in a relationship? The answer will depend more on what type of relationship u are in. There are types of relationship dat works best when they are both doing things together and there are also relationship dat work when both parties have their own space. The difficult part here is dat both of u must compromise. It is sometimes difficult to meet in between when both of u have different thoughts about ur time together and some space. But if both of u can meet halfway and both parties are happy with it then the challenge would be easier to tackle.

Some people dun like to be alone. They r much happier spending all their time with hommies, family and their partner. When they’re alone and doing things on their own they feel a little lost and lonely. While others love to be sociable, there are others who love solitude. They are just happy to do things alone without the feeling of doing things for others which makes them exhausted easily at times. Those two examples were rather extreme in some levels but majority of the people lie in the middle. They want time together and they also want to have a little space in the relationship once in a while. So if both of u have met on the same ground, th easier it will be to be able to define where the spaces will be in the relationship. If however both of u are extreme and luckily on the same extreme side, then it will also be easier since both of u will certainly agree on the terms of space u both want.

When u want to have a space in ur relationship and ur partner does not like being alone for some time then this may be a problem to u and ur relationship with ur partner. Both of u must discuss the ways on which both of u will agree on the space dat is needed for ur relationship. It is important to know and understand what the reasons are to be able to come up with a compromise that both of u can be happy about. When both sides of the relationship are not open in communicating often, the space in between them can be a problem and also difficult to handle without both parties coming up with an agreement. If you are the solidarity type of person and your partner is the opposite, your partner may feel not loved due to your insistence of wanting to be alone.

And if u hate being alone and ur partner really wants some me-time, then by hanging around constantly u can start to make ur partner feel smothered. Ur partner might also think dat there’s no trust there, and u wont give him or her private time because ure afraid of what he or she might do when ure not around. Both the situations can really cause problems to ur relationship but all u have to do is initiate in opening up ur thoughts to them. Express what u want and let them express theirs too. It is important that both of u can understand each others feelings. And when he or she hangs around when you’d rather be alone, you recognize dat he or she doesn’t need the same kind of space in a relationship dat u do.

P/s: RelationShip is hard.

Just one of those moment.

2010-08-02T00:42:00.005+08:00

Here's a little story I've gotta tell
Bout this boy I know so well
Back in the day was cool and all
Fell in love, I fell in love
Thought he was the one for me
Other boys I could not see
And look what happened to our love
I'm like how could it be?

It should have been me and you
It could have been you and me
Boy you broke my heart and now I'm standing there
It should have been me and you
It could have been you and me
Now all I got are these photographs

All I've got, all I've got
All I've got are these photographs
All I've got, all I've got
Is nothing without you, you, you
Got nothing without you, you, you
Got nothing without you

Now baby it's killing me
I'm saying it's killing me
The fact that you ain't around
Baby I'm falling down
I need me a remedy
Been looking for remedies
I need you to be around
Baby I'm hurting now
I know you're a better man
When I was your girl
This land is a better land
When you're in my world
Today will be better babe
If it were like yesterday
So happy and lovely hey, hey, hey

All I've got, all I've got
All I've got are these photographs
All I've got, all I've got
Is nothing without you, you, you
Got nothing without you, you, you
Got nothing without you

All I've got are these photographs
I remember when I used to make you laugh
I don't wanna be stuck in the past
But you're all that I have that I had
And I don't wanna lose what we built this far
This is me and you, you're my superstar
I'd give anything, baby here's my heart
My heart, my heart

(Will.i.am)
My heart don't stop, my heart be beating over
My loving never stop, even though that it's over
Girl I've been reminiscing when I play that Casanova
Way back when we was kissing on your grandmama's sofa
Girl I got this lovey dovey o my photo album
I got them pictures back when I was rocking Calvin Klein
You had your GUESS jeans on looking sexy, oh no
Girl why could it not be the one?

Why? Why? Why?
Why couldn't I be the one?
Why? Why? Why?
Why couldn't you be the one?
Why? Why? Why?
Why couldn't you be the one?
Why? Why? Why?

All I've got, all I've got
Is nothing without you
All I've got, all I've got
Is nothing without you, you, you,
Is nothing without you, you, you,
Is nothing without you

All I've got, is nothing without...

All I've got, is nothing without...

All I've got, all I've got are these photographs...

Dedicated this song to someone meaningful to me.

One last Breath

2010-07-30T23:53:00.005+08:00

So....

It has been like...ermm... one-hell-of-a-nicotine-free-week for me..And I feel bloody heavier than before..

Some of u will not know but i decided to quit smoking..yea..finally quitting smoking for good..There is no specific reasons why..I just got this sudden wake up call n realize that i wanna live longer..Even though i know that death lies in God's hand but then at least i get rid of one of the reason of getting one step closer to...u-know-what..

*i feel like i'm using too much 'of' in my last sentences.

I tell you what..I feel horrible..Being in a circle of friends where most of them are heavy-smokers..i gotta admit sometimes i do feel tempted..Every time when their smokes are passing thru me, i feel like taking a puff..my mouth starting to get so watery and the next thing i know..the temptation is getting out of hand..If I was to explained how I really want to smoke so bad that time, its like..erm..craving for ur favorite food..Its so addictive..Its like porn, but much better.

*my last line was a metaphor.

But even so, i'm glad because I get to hold those shitty temptation and finally forget about it..I'm trying my best here because I just can't take sickness anymore..I fell sick almost 6 times in the past 6 months, isn't that bullshit? As bad as i wanted to smoke again, I keep on reminding myself about my sickness..And most importantly, if i'm back to my smoking habit again, i doubt myself in quitting smoking someday in the future..I'm worried that I never felt the intention to stop anymore..True that.

" Dear Lord, i know i bailed out our date every Sunday and I admit that i only come to you when i really2 need you, or when 'im in trouble..but this time, i need Your help, I need extra inner strength to fight those Russian spy..You know, like in the moofie Salt?No ba, I need strength to forbid myself from smoking again. I promise i go and visits You more often during Sunday..Tell you the truth, It really matters to me as it really matters to You. Because, i believe in You. Amen."

So here it goes, bring it on...I'm saving my One Last Breath...~

Random: I gave all my lighters to my friends just so that I forget that i was once a heavy-smoker. Its so hard ok, believe me..it sucks when u trying to reach ur phone in ur handbag and all u get to touched were..lighters. FYI, I got 7 lighters in my handbag. What say you?

I gave away the Purple lighter to Yuq, it is the most precious lighter of mine because it has my favorite color..and the rest went home with Chester.

* Sigh*

Heart-Shaped box

2010-07-26T22:12:00.004+08:00

" Your face brings me death everyday, and everyday I cannot wait to die."

My sleepless night and my 3.23 am entry.

2010-07-25T02:48:00.005+08:00

Current song: Katherine Mcphee- Terrified.

Waddup peoples, I am still in sick mode..but the gewd news is..those Ventolin 4mg finally smoothen my breathing..I cough less now..just a bit flu and minor fever..

I went to the moofie today with Afiq and Vitalis..yada yada..I just can't stand staying indoors..We watched the Sorcerer's Apprentice which is superbly nice..*thumbs up*..

Do you really believes in magic????As for me, I can't help but to wonder about it. But personally, i think it still God who makes everything works, no?

I try to imagine how life could be if people can simply uses magic against each other, uses magic to solve problems, depending on magic to continue living..wooot~Somewhere along the line, i do wish I have those magic just so that i can stop worrying about every inch of my problems, how i wish those money just flow every time i open the pipe..in your dream vale..in your dream..

Current song: Jason Derulo- Fallen

But hey, if magic really does exist, I think people will just stop believing in themselves and they wouldn't know how to appreciate life..Reality check is, theres no short-cuts in happiness..And that all the problems ure facing will make u a stronger person in the future..*cheers to life experiences*..

I can't really say that I am living a good life right now, im still living in a mess, still struggling with problems and issues, still battling with few confrontations..But..Im just glad that im surrounded with beautiful and incredible peoples all around me..Those people who makes me smile even when I feel like im at my wits end..of course i never really share about my problems with peoples, but just when i pull out the chair and sit with them..All those shits just swept away..Those peoples are my friends.

Current song: One Republic- Secret.

Sometimes, I just don't care about myself and let my friends have their moments. People said its not a good thing to put others beyond my own as a priority..But the truth is, seeing all those peoples I love and care about happy, IS my happiness.

Some random reality check:

"Money can't buy you love, but you need money when your loved ones are sick." - Saw this in my friend's status and I just go.."yaaaakannnn?"

Its really late and i need to take my meds.

Till next time~

Gasping.

2010-07-23T20:42:00.002+08:00

I am currently suffering from chest-pain, short-breathing and bad hard cough. If this isn't clear enough..it calls asthma attack.

dammit, i shud have known it is coming this morning when i feel uncomfy-ness in my chest..but que sera sera..so kadau-tuluh i am still sucking on nicotine..and now..i feel like my lungs bleed everytime I started to cough. Enough said.

I haven't been visiting my blog much these days..and since i'm too weak due to 4mg of Ventolin n Ventolin syrup..My hands are now shaky and because of that..im in no mood of sentencing a proper sentences...

1. Just as I expected, im running out of money, Again. But still, i always believes that money comes and go..so just let it flow..

2. I need to handle two projects for this semester, Our Sales Carnival and BBA Marketing Family Day in Tenom...

3.What is Managerial Economy?

4.I love my new fren Yuq.

5.Chester is like a brother and greatest guy friend to me. I love him too.

6. I like having Emma around because she can be a big sister and a little sister to me..all at the same time. How unique is that?And yes, of course I love her.

7. Rosha is very fun to be with because of her open-minded and understanding personality...She's cool!

8. I love to be friend with Daniel because of her protective sense and...hell yeah, he's a funny creature.

9.I like to hangout with Anyoi because we pretty much got the same interest and i like to bully him.hah!

10. Muhid is a really really really good fren. Full stop.

Last but not least, some random thoughts.

" The reason why men cheats is because there are so many women out there willing to cheat with." - Act like a lady, Think like a man. Still my very favorite book. *wlpn blum habis baca*

mutuality.

2010-07-06T02:27:00.004+08:00

So, i was blog surfing and coincidently read these 2 blog posts that somewhat sends the same messages. Blogger's identity not included..hehe..

Mana la tau got some feminists want to antam them...ohohoho..

These bloggers do have some good point actually. AND should be read by us girls. As for early warning, memang will feel a bit geram( i still dunno how to explain GERAM in english) also la with the guys. Thats why I think we should read on..u know what i mean? Because i strongly thinks it can be applied to both genders...Female and male..

Gentlemen A post.

There will come a time in a man's life when we need to be serious in a relationship. But that does not mean you need to submit to the ways of a dominants and controlling woman, and have your tail caught between your legs.

If going for a beer, or some trivial excursion requires her permission, You're on a short leash. Your bossy girlfriends thinks that this is a NO-NO. Suddenly, you just cant pop into a club for quick booze at the end of the day without facing loads of rubbish questions and harassment. That makes you stop doing it. Don't give in to her and let her control you.

Sharing e-mail account and passwords is insane! I used to inadvertently share my password with my ex- girlfriend that was a major mistakes because you suffer a lot of independence. I changed my password, she asked, and I asked her to fuck off and give me my privacy. I subsequently dumped her.

It's a definite sign that you're on a leash when you get some piece of news(good or bad) and your thoughts immediately turns to how she will responds once she hears it. Thoughts start running through your head and you brace yourself for her dramatic accusation and moaning. Get her a dog for Christmas and let her channel her drama towards it.

You used to get calls and texts from friends wondering about your plans. Now, its no longer the case, everyones stop contacting you, assuming that you're keep under lock and key all weekend, and they finally givin up on you. Bullshit to that. Just keep this going. They're your friends and if your woman thinks that your intention is to bang all female friends you come in contact with, dump your girlfriend. She got issues.

My saying:

You don't have to ask her permission to live your life. TELL her but don't ask her permission. Always defend your rights and dignity from the start. Talk things over, make some deals and the most importantly, give and take. If she continue, break up with her or your life will be ruined.

Gentlemen B post.

If your whole life revolves around your significant other, you have to rethink your priorities. If a guy/girl comes into your life and turns it around, what does that say about your life? Does that mean it was empty and meaningless before she came into your life? If your answer is yes, there might be something wrong with you.

I had a friend who asked his girlfriends to run away from home. He said he'll take care of her and pay for her college tuition fees. All this when he's only 21 years old. Man, he couldn't even keep a steady job for a month! Fortunately, the girl wasn't stupid enough to believe him and she broke up with him a month later.

Or another one where he used to say ''I will love you forever'' and go totally broke buying stuffs for his girlfriends. All with his parents money!

Or the one who said ''My life is meaningless'' after his girlfriends left him. The he found another one and said the same thing. Get a fucking clue.

Anyways, my point is, if you can't take care of yourself, how can you take care of somebody else?

A girl ain't gonna fix your problems and sure she ain't gonna rely on you for security if you;re not independent( emotionally or financially). Somewhere along the line, a whole generations of guys have lost their balls and turned into so called " sensitive new age guys". I have the right to call them that because I used to be one.

Its true. I used to be needy, jealous, self- sympathizing, emotional black-hole of a person. Some of my ex- girlfriend can relate to that, and boy did I gave them shit. I'm so sorry about that and you girls would be so proud that I grew out of that teenage angst. I'm definitely in a happier place right now.

In fact, I am more selfish these days. Apparently, girls like a little backbone in their man!

What I learned over the years is that, you have to fix your own problems first, thinks about your future and focus on what make you happy. The center of your life is you, not your religion, not your jobs, not your computer games, not your possessions and certainly not your significant other. Hard to accept, but it's true. None of these things will fix you if you don't want to fix yourself.

Which bring me to the lesson no 2 of the manifesto.

2. The center of universe is yourself.

*** THE END***

HMMMM..INDEED!

All ladies out there should do the SAME..

that's what I think..

NOBODY owns NOBODY..

..sPREAD YOUR WINGS AND FLY..

..specially dedicated to all the ladies and friends who are going through that caged feelings.

You have a choice.

None of this chick can fuck with my baby.

2010-06-23T08:33:00.003+08:00

First of all, lemme apologies for the explicit title above. It seriously not something that i wanted to write about and it totally doesn't make sense at all...Its just a line from the song Already Taken by treyz song..Keeps repeating it in my humming..blarh!

I know I haven't been updating a lot these days..but i have certainly have sooooooo much to say and how I wish i could say everything that has been on my mind lately..I wish I could just speak freely but I know being a person from KK, it doesn't permit me much to just speak freely without being thought ''oh she's this and she's that...I know i shouldn't care and all but I just don't think its necessary.

You get my drift right.

So, anyways I have my reasons. And no, the last post is just something a friend listed out. She is such a metaphor. Is that spelling right?

I love y'all for just being who you are..^____________^"

I am okay, love.

till then!aaahh..muTan_xALL3N..was this close to know sepa ko..!kindets.. goddammit!

I.am.nearly.asleep.

I.am.listening.to.CUT.by.PLUMP.

Its.rising.and.shining.

I.am.not.EMO.

Dammit..I seriously love mUSIC, even though im not so good in in whatever bidang..but still man..thanx HIM for mUSICS!!hahaha.

Have a great days ahead and peace!...love!...unity!...

Do i sense some money comin from ya?heehe...x ba..

xoxo.

p/s: Mcm lama x post up gmbar here kan????hmm.nte la on my next post...BOOYAH!

Care-free and Worry less.

2010-06-07T17:56:00.001+08:00

I was supposed to write about my day today but i got hooked by Rod Stewart. So i guess i see u guys in my next post. *straight face*

Womens favorite phrases.

2010-04-26T02:13:00.002+08:00

#1. Fine

This is the word women used to end an argument when they are right

and you need to shut up.

#2. Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

#3. Nothing.

This is the calm before the storm. This means something and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begins with #3. Nothing usually end with #1. Fine.

#4. Go Ahead.

This is a dare, NOT a permission. DON'T do it again. DO NOT do it!

#5. Loud Sigh

This is actually a word. But it is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks that you are an idiot and wonder why she wasting her time standing here and arguing with you which lead to #3. Nothing.

#6. That's Okay.

This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. It means she wants to think long and hard before deciding on how and when you will pay for your mistake.

#7. Thanks

If a woman is thanking you, do not questioned, or faint. Just say you're welcome. Unless she says "thanks a lot" - which is a pure sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say you're welcome. That will ring on #8. Whatever.

#8. Whatever

Is a woman's way on saying FUCK YOU.

#9. Don't worry about it, I got it.

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman already told a man to do for several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking what's wrong?For the woman to respond #3. Nothing.

Now girls, tell me which part of it is true..??*wink*

We all wanna be different (which makes us all the same)

2010-04-21T10:01:00.003+08:00

"This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to messed up sometimes, It's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to messed it up. Girls will be your friends-they act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The one that stays with you through everything- they're your true best-friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends ever in the world. As for lovers, well they come they go as well. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them, pretty much all of them are going to break your heart. But you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mates. You'll never find the half that makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always always always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's much to smile about."

- "This is me, Marilyn Monroe, the iconic legend speaking."

"We're teenagers. We're still learning. Shits happen. We cheat. We lie. We criticize. We fight over stupid things. We bitch, bitch, BITCH. We BITCH about BITCHES being BITCHY. We party till dawn, we drink till we pass out. We hate people for no reason, we call each other names. We stay up late having deep conversations, OR stay up late just to THINK-THINGS over. We go out and have a kick ass time with our friends and THOSE WILL ALL BE MEMORIES. One day, that's all going to pass. You can waste your time focusing on all the bad things, but one day....ONE DAY, you gonna wish you were still a TEENAGER. So make the most of what you have now, forget all the bullshits and drama and live like your dying."

- "This is me, Vale, the rock star speaking."

p/s: I love Marilyn Monroe. Too bad she died.

Its not always about YOU.

2010-04-20T13:53:00.002+08:00

And i know,

I may end up FAILING too,

But I know,

You were just LIKE me,

with someone DISSAPOINTED in you.

Feelin kinda mellow.

2010-04-13T03:47:00.006+08:00

FYI, I slept at 5pm just now and i just wake up.*look at the time*

I was bloody awake 3nights in a row. Reason? Lots of leisure, lovey dovey stuffs, responsibilities, chillaxing and of course assignments and stuff that never really like to see us happy, even only in a glimpse of a blinking eye...hahahaha..wats with the vocab la...?screw me.

What im intended to say is..I am actually living a hectic life. I don't even notice that it is already in the month of April. So fucking fast if u asked me. And yet, I haven't seen anything productive in myself. Just dramas and it is oh-so-not-awesome im tellin ya..

Oh, I also realised that everywhere around me, there's either people hooking up or being ditched... EVERYWHERE! It's that season again..some were for the best and some was just oh too pityful. For some, I can't help but to feel sorry for the victims coz everyone knew what was coming except for them. They had their faith or so.. they believed just like me, but the thing about me is, I will always put my feet down and make sure that I do, as long as I can or for as long as I could remember but if I sway away, then I sway away. That's when the saying comes in, it happens then shit happens. Then here comes the everything happen for a reason..

There will always be a fucking reason to justify everything... as long as u know how to twist your words and make you look good, you're game. Go ahead, live, live and live.. go on living. Feel every feeling..happy, sad, anger, joy, tears, hurt, insert every words listed in the oxford dictionary that describes emotions, feel it because you are born human. If you can't decide or accept things around you, simple.. YOU ARE FUCKED UP AND A NUTTER. Waheyy.. confetti~ confetti~

Living a worry free life is simple : Live, Discover, Feel, Learn and stay away from draggy debts. Don't move in with your gf/bf. In any case of insecurities in a relationship.. fuck it and let it stay as a 'I'm seeing her/him...' instead of stating it STEADY. It's not steady when you have to snoop around and shit like that. Do they even know what STEADY means? yes i know that steady is used universally for describing a very committed relationship, but I just think that some people could really go to some pathetic extent and actually give it as a reason that it is LOVE. Damn bodoh if you ask me.. I admit that I had relationships in the past that I, now, think that what I did before or whatever was super stupid and WTFWTF to me. That's why for now, my relationship is considered VERY different from the types that I had before. A round of applause to lifes experiences...cheers. Am thinking WHYYYY the hell some people would go over it oooover and oooover again..don't they get bored of the same old boat?

Ok la, enough said, i get sleepy again. Im off to sleep now.

P/s: I wonder wat its like to use the color red. erm..big no-no.

Still alive and kickin'.

2010-04-05T14:33:00.002+08:00

So yea..i am still in my 'burning-fag' mode. Kinda living a hectic life these days makes me stand so close to cigarettes and alcohols. ...ahhhhhhhh..

What's the odd...im still alive anyway....

I'm a rockstar..:)

h.a.p.p.y.?

2009-12-29T23:48:00.002+08:00

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose, you can't have anything..
Don't you take chances, you might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain, coz love won't set you free..

I could stand by the side and watch this life pass me by
So unhappy, but safe as could be..

So what if it hurts me?
So what if i break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?

I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Coz i'm just trying to be..Happy...
Just trying to be..happy...

Holding on tightly, just don't let it go
Just trying to play my role, Slowly disappear..
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names, get me out of here..
But I can't stand by your side
and watch my life pass me by..

So any turns that i can't see
Like i'm a stranger on this road
But don't day victim, don't day anything..

p/s: i L.O.V.E this song by Leona Lewis-Happy.

Xmas ur head la..

2009-12-26T00:51:00.002+08:00

This is boring. thats all im saying. Its nice actually, its just lack of some excitement. Plain and boring.

I kid you not

2009-12-23T13:15:00.002+08:00

So..ive been staying indoors for a while because of my several sickness..let me see: sinus?[checked], allergy?[cheked], fever?[checked], mental condition?[superbly checked], emotion sickness?[silverchair's checked]..btw, i still have no idea am allergic to what..i've been scratching here and there yet don't even know the reason for all the red dots.. so mafan..

Anyhooo...

Life's gonna change from now on.. I've decided a few things. This time around, i should think more for myself because dats what people had been doing to survive in this world. I've learnt that if you do not make a stand for yourself and you let people step all over you and manipulate you just because of the fact that ur nice or at least trying to be one and for whatsoever reasons..it will get you no where and in the end you are to blamed. Why? Because people can just easily say dat they didn't force you at the 1st place.

*[I KID YOU NOT]

So, lesson learnt.. be careful of selfish and manipulative people.

In the end, no one will save ur ass except for yourself..

Thanks for everything.. this is an eye opener for me. Now i can see the true color of things around me. Trust no one but your own instincts..I knew it was coming but who knew that in the end, kena kasi biar seja with whatever dats left la..

And this is one of the reasons juga why i let go of some things that mattered to me just so others will live a happy life and not be bothered for their own conveniences.

Enough with that la..lets talk about Xmas..

Oh well, i dont feel like xmas-ing..Everybody seems to start counting their own countdown..it stressing me out..i wan to feel excited also baaa...i force myself to go for gift hunting for everybody pun i still not in the mood for Xmas..perrrfttt...Gontua sda ba kan..*sigh*

bt the way, i need something fresh..i need a fresh start..new challenges, new environment, new crowd, new circle of friends..erm..nope..just stick with my old circle of friends, new hobby, new interest, new lifestyle..erm..nope oso..i'll stick with my old life...*refer previous previous post, one of my resolution for 2010 is to get the 60% of the old me back*

funny..im not excited with Xmas but im excited for New Year...??erm...fresh start Vale, fresh start.

The life survival tips part 1.

2009-12-19T14:46:00.003+08:00

I went to my high school's reunion last night. It was fun, cool, great, warm n wicked *according to me* time we had. Feels great n bliss to see those *geng karas* faces again especially the boys whom i used to hang with..fablin, ah ping, luncai, bryner,osamu..etc. Kinda sad because Nurul was not there..but for sure there will be reunion part 2..I promised..:)

I had a very good conversation with Fablin..I cant believe the Fablin i used to play jokes with is now a very mature and responsible guy. Im talking about his sacrifices to support n take care of his younger siblings..since both of his parents pass away since i change school to Teknik. I feel really bad for not knowing about what has happened to him for the past 5 years. *sigh*

All the conversation we had, it got me thinking that no matter how life been so unfair or treating us like shit, bare in mind that others may faces a more difficult situation than us. People like me, who still have parents to depend on should really download this to our mind. Be grateful for everything that we have right now, embrace and appreciate things, peoples, memories, because we never know..never will know whats going to happen in the future..the future is super unpredictable. Life is like the theory of Yin and Yang, we cant always rely on the chi all the time, we cant expect our life to be so wonderful. Yes. There are no such thing as a fair world. Life is unfair. Nothing is fair. Sooner or later, we will eventually experience ups and downs in our life, and that time, we dont have a clue, whose gonna be the survivor, and whose in it just to lose it.

I wasted so many times in my life. I feel guilty for all the complaining i pour out. Looking back, i still got everything in my life. Yes life did hurts me in so many ways but i got to say that all of this has made me to be a stronger person. I realized that, there is no point of hating, feeling unsatisfied, whining n comparing other's life with ours. Someday, each one of us will have our moments too. We just got to have a good n flexible self-realization. Always always appreciate what we had.

Well, now i just want to say......I love my life and the idea of being Human with all that emotional bullshit that we are cursed with. I love all the friends that i ever had the pleasure to meet. I love my big guy, I love all my hate-fans.. I love my family. I love GOD.........turning a new page and starting another chapter of my life. Waking up and knowing that life is what you make it of......Peace All~!!

Hands Up.

2009-12-18T19:07:00.002+08:00

I just broke someone's heart last night.

AND

Its way more harder than i thought.

Pheeewww~

Good morning.

2009-12-17T11:18:00.002+08:00

Good morning world wide web..slept around 6am just now and i wake up at 9.50am..cant get back to my sleep ever since. Such a long boring holiday so i guess im givin a lil bit updates..

- waiting for my degree result..it shud be available by now but i still cant access..i think it has something to do with the webmaster..i dont know..

- I cant wait for reunion tomorrow..get a little bit excited to catch up with old friends..

- *i hope they didnt comment on my weight gains..*

- I bought a new sandal..and fall in love to it ever since..pictures up soon..

- Dat working thingy..it stressing me out..

- I still cant believe she do it..well..its hard to say because i dont even know what shes dealing with right now..

- Cant wait to shopp for xmas..i got few things in my list already..so much for a therapy huh?

- Im thinking of doin an open-house for my frens..

- but what dish should i prepare??????

- One of my resolution for new year..getting 60% of the old me back..

- I give a pause to my love life..

- Adeq seems to be disappear..She dont even return my calls and msgs..i wonder why?

-Mum has going over broad with the word 'obsolete'..dad too..

- Shud i go for working?or study?

- Me and Mr Sweet Talker?i think he had enough already..So..im done with him.

- I heard a rare song called Temporary Insanity..Love the melody, but the lyrics sounds a bit too much emotic and depressing to me..

- I miss you so much today.

So, this was it at the moment. Till next time..~

Never Gonna Happen.

2009-12-16T20:51:00.002+08:00

I don't wanna hurt you cause I don't think it's a virtue
But you and I have come to our end
Believe me when I tell you that I never wanna see you again
And please can you stop calling cause it's getting really boring
And I've told you I don't want to be friends
Believe me when I tell you that I never wanna see you again

How on earth could I be any more obvious?
It never really did and now it's never gonna happen
with the two of us
I don't understand what it is that you're chasing after
But it makes me really sad to hear you sound so desperate
It just makes it harder

I can see how it's confusing -- it could be considered using
When I call you up straight out of the blue
But I don't understand what else a girl in my position's to do
Now I know you feel betrayed but it's been weeks since I got laid
This doesn't mean that I don't think you're a fool
But I don't understand what else a girl in my position's to do

I know it's rather ugly
cause I know that you still love me
And this isn't any kind of excuse
I don't love you, I don't love you...

Lyrics by: Lily Allen.

p/s: i love the lyrics. So general yet specific to me in a way.

For what it takes to have a little bit of gestures

2009-12-16T12:53:00.002+08:00

Ok i guess i should be posting something to do about what 2009 has been for me. Frankly speaking, i am sick and tired of people saying that its been all right, things been shitty or everything been so gloomy and yada yada yada~..........that 2009 been up and down but everything is all right. What a load of BULLSHIT. Hey~ life can only be a shitty or colorful how you want it to be.....if you've dug your own grave, you have to lie on it. Enough said ok.

I think my PMS coming soon again..i see all little zips on my face, my appetite is as equivalent as an elephant's daily meal, and i get even hornier when M.Shadow screams..which lead me to a massive ear-gasm...if u know what i mean..and of course..mood swings and all other emotional rollercoaster what so fuck u wanna call it..yes..cursing too..bad mouth!bad mouth!

*Deep sigh*

.....

....
*Long Pause*

....

....

And now i suddenly feel sad when i look around my room and stares at my phone..Loneliness strikes..i never want this..but hell with it..Nobody cares at all..Each one of u seems to distance from me like im a living parasite..no..dont think im happy when i laugh..dont think im okay when i type lots of HAHAHA..I guess i always been like that..to hide pains so that i can get away with it which i know it will not so its back to square one..

crap!

screw me. I dont wanna be in this place..i dont wanna be here..it reminds me of u and her home-coming..

P/s:merry xmas..i hope u have a great time with her, like u always did. Since u not returning any of my calls and msgs..i guess i means nothing anymore..dats fine, because..because thats wat it supposed to be rite?so..ya...all the best.

Dgr lagu Mariah Carey.

2009-12-09T13:05:00.003+08:00

im sorry i havent been able to write something meaningful these days..im having a phenomenal syndrome called brain freeze...i cant think properly. Sorry for all the inconvenience. i'll be back soon, i promise.

called it PMS or mood swings..i still hate being lonely.

2009-12-08T21:02:00.004+08:00

All my life, i never felt as lonely as i feel rite now..this feeling is just so painful especially when i started looking back..i always be there for those people i wish could do the same for me too..unfortunately when it is my time to reach them, they often put someone else above me as their priority..

I understand the fact that they have their own life but that surely don't explain why i can be there for them whenever and wherever they need me to be..but they cant be there for me..yes..even when i was the one who makes arrangement to see them first..they end up putting me way far behind their list..

Maybe im on my PMS or whatsoever..im just..ok..whatever la.

I think everybody will be more happy without me.

wits end.

2009-12-07T00:34:00.003+08:00

Just when i thought i never felt those hurts again..i was damn wrong. At times i feels so empty..its like i need to cut myself to feel things..ironically, when i think i am ready enough to let everything go and make a fresh start..those hurts came just at the wrong time..and it really struck me straight to the heart.

I may not be the best girlfriend to you as i made so mistakes in the past. But i thought u know me so well that despite all the mistakes i done, u surely know that whatever it is, i still loves u stronger than before. Maybe i deserve this, maybe i don't..but one thing i surely know, nobody can love u as much as i did. You wont see it through things that i cant even afford to give you, through proudness and perfection, through beauty and charm..what i can offer you is just me but I guess i am not good enough.

Once again, i made a mistake that i know i will soon regret. Its like Deja Vu, I knew it will happen, i even saw it happen in the images of my mind, but i guess i wast sure about wat am i thinking when i ask for it..the closure. I shouldnt have ask u for the closure because it actually hurts even more. I should've just be gone without any words and goodbyes because totally..im not very good at saying farewells..especially to you.

Im sorry for just walking and turning away just like that..Im sorry for breaking the code..Im sorry for the words, questions i put you through..i know im such a pain in the ass..i acted like a dumb blonde..im sorry that I annoys you..I guess im trying to provoke your anger because i dont wanna looked weak. Im sorry because i was stupid and i never been good to you..

*sigh*

And now...i feel so empty again..its like my life is meaningless..these breath i take is just a useless oxygen..i feel numb again..Lost i called it. If I could i wanna run away..even when everyone says running away wont solve anything..i still feels like running away because thats the only way I could feel..what it feels like to be disconnected in every ways...

I know i will not hear from you again..im not sure if u are going to read this but it wont matter too anyway..it still doesnt change the fact that im not good enough for you..Disappointed?I am.

trouble tidur.

2009-12-01T03:35:00.004+08:00

One random fact : It was never easy for a lady to reject a guy. What, you think only girls wants their heart to be well taken care of? That's wrong. Guys hates rejection and hurts too. So, that is all i can say right now.

Well, that is not really the main point of my entry. Its just something that occurred in my current love life..correction..cant really say that its my love life because we are not attached in any ways..But for sure, i feels kinda bad because i keep on giving excuses..delaying..and so on. I just don't know how to say it straight. And if I could, I might as well say this..

" Look, the thing is I just don't love you. Not that I don't like you..Its just that I am really not ready to hit the dating scene. You're good, really good and i know that you will be a very good boyfriend-material Buuuutttttt...I just cant be that lady for you. Im just tired of starting over and im afraid that if I go for a YES with you, i cant really be the one who you thinks i am. You don't even know me, you don't even know my flaws and all..Plus, I don't think we're gonna work. So, just go live your life and keep on searching, i know u will find HER soon. May the best luck be with you, okei?"

well..if only i can say this straight to his face....*sigh*

By the way, what the hell happened to KK today??? I was out to town with Nana and the road is just so friggin jammed with in-compact cars. Starting from Karamunsing - Asia City - Centre Point. We spend 45 minutes from Asia City just to reach Cp's parking lots..WTFish? It was 3.30pm.

3.15pm(estimated only)
6.45pm(estimated only)
Tengahari until malam pun stil jammed..????

And owh..i just love this picture so very the mucho.

Im giving you the best of me, because you deserve no less.

2009-11-30T05:47:00.005+08:00

Just when i thought i know you better than anybody else. I guess i was dead wrong.
Its 10 minutes to sunrise and I still can't sleep
One word,
FUCK.

C.L.O.S.U.R.E

2009-11-24T22:33:00.002+08:00

*deep sigh*

Though i realize you are with someone else, i wish we are together instead..only in whisper that i dare to say it to the whole world..For any louder than that, i am just afraid that you would banished it away..

Someone once told me that in order to get over it and move on, we need to put the past behind us. A past that has no closure is a different kind of past. One would not understand it if one has not gone through it. With all due respect, everybody needs closure. There are things in my life that need so many closure that i never dare to get the privilege of doing so. Maybe Im afraid of the feeling of regrets that will or will not occur ever since I made the closure. I am living my life hanging..

Time passes by and part of me still saving the very best of myself for you. Im not sure of what im waiting for, or what am i hoping for..And I don't know if it worthwhile..I just can't stop L***** you. At times I feel like such a loser for keeping this feeling though its obvious that you are way too far away from me now..I just cant..

If u happen to read this, I just want that closure..
That closure..

What am i to you?

Ignorance is ur new bestfren.

2009-11-24T14:14:00.003+08:00

Do i look happy?Because i am NOT but peoples keep on thinking so.

Paramore-Ignorance.

If i'm a bad person, u don't like me
well i'll guess i make my own way
It a circle, a mean cycle
I can't excite u anymore.

where is your gavel?ur jury?
WHat's my offense this time?
you're not a judge but if u gonna judge me
well, sentence me to another life.

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
i dont wanna feel your pain
when u swear its all my faults
cause u know we're not the same
No, we're not the same, oh no, we're not the same.

Yeah, ive got friends who stuck together
we wrote our name in blood
But i guess you cant accet that the change is good
its good, its good.

well, u treat me just like another stranger
well, its nice to meet u sir,
I guess i'll go, i best be on my way out.

Ignorance is your new bestfriend
Ignorance is your new bestfriend.

This is the best thing that coul've happen
Any longer, and I woudn't have made it
It's not a war, No, its not a rapture
Im just a person, but you cant take it.

The same tricks that, that once fooled me
They wont get you anywhere
Im not the same kid from your memory
well, now I can fend for myself.

sweet dream?or a beautiful nightmare?

2009-11-24T02:04:00.002+08:00

I cant sleep. Actually im scared to sleep. Im afraid of a bad dreams. Just now while i was editing busy editing pictures, a friend of mine suddenly pop-up-chat me thru Facebook saying that she dreamt about me last nite..Its a bad one.

According to her, my family facing a big heavy problem.We lost everything..and she means EVERYTHING.

It was just a dream but i cant help myself from thinking about it..because our family is having financial problems and we are slowly losing things..for instance, my cAr.

*sigh*

Somebody..someone..pls provide me some positive thoughts or words.
....

I really2 need it.

Thank You.

Something good and new.

2009-11-22T23:26:00.013+08:00

So, i was extremely busy for the past three days..Been helping my lecturer to prepare her wedding, which turns out to be perfectly done..well, of course with the help of me n Nana..i mean..most of the preparation is done by us..from decorating the pelamin, the table set, the bar, the food placement, the bride's wedding gown, being their driver, ...EVERYTHING. And we are uber tired.

Weird?It is. Kinda sad because their family weren't even there to help out..yaaa..family issues which i dont want to state here. Enough said. But overall, im glad everything turns out really2 well..Despite the lack of sleep, super massive hunger, tired, plus the weather is seriously being a bitch,yada yada yada...In the end, feels good it was perfectly done..pays-off man..I would cherish this experience in my life..And..ya..To prepare a wedding is really2 hard..u need at least a year to have a perfect event of ur biggest day in ur life...

Picas?
yeap..coming rite up.

DAY 1

just arrive at the SESB hall, nobody's around, hence..PICTURE TIME!!

Nana testing her artistic side..GOTCHA!
im just plain crazy n dumb..dun mind the ugly sandals btw..
Model of the day.
Model x jadi.
setting up the pelamin

DAY 2

Taking the car to be decorated.

till then, we just take a look inside the bridal shops.. aah~gownsssss...~So boring the face
Nana fancy this gown.
I like this pattern.(i lied)

The car is now ready..
gagaga.

DAY 3

Awal pagi suda p ambi bunga..erggh..jerawat!

nana.
at Berjaya Palace Hotel..few hours b4 the reception.
waiting to checked in.
Camwhoring while waiting for the brides to get ready.
the event finally started
them

AND
more pictures of us.

i just L.O.V.E this photos so much.

that was that..enough for today. I blog again tomorrow. Happy dawn everyone. Im off to sleep now, i think im getting sick again.*sigh*

Human-Toy?

2009-11-18T17:19:00.001+08:00

An 11-year-old Bulgarian girl gave birth to a baby girl on the day she got married to her teenage boyfriend.
She was still wearing her flowing white dress and tiara when she arrived at the hospital and gave birth to 2.49kg Violeta last week.

After spending the night with her newborn, Kordeza changed back into her wedding dress to finish the ceremony.

“I used to play with my toys but now she is my new toy. She is so beautiful, I love her. Violeta is the child and I must grow up. I am not going back to school – I am a mother now,” Kordeza said.
Her husband is 19-year-old Jeliazko Dimitrov.

What the fuck is going on nowdays?

(@^@)

2009-11-14T00:50:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, i just don't have a good reason for ALL the STUPID things i did.

What's the odd?

2009-11-12T22:51:00.002+08:00

Frankly speaking..im just not in the mood of sentence-ing..Im just wayyy to exhausted of constructing my words..So, just for a lil q-kie updates..im just goin to summarize about what ive been up to n this is how it goes..

- Just had my interview for SPA thingy today..FYI, I have to be there from 7am-2pm..wtf rite? n of course..with empty stomach.

- My left eye hurt...:( ...no no its not Red Eye..I think it has sumthing to do with infection as i remember the other day..i was sleeping without removing my make up..Mascara it is..My left eye is currently watery, and reddish in colour.

- My statistic paper is killing me..i just dont wanna talk about it..well..more.i just don't wanna talk more about it.

- I am still in sick- mode..I have a very bad headache almost EVERY night..its like migrain but not really..*sigh*..

- So, i finally giving up my car..so u know how i feel.

- Im quitting my part time job soon..the payout sucks..big-time.

- Sometimes i just feel like slapping u hard in the face.

- i feel bloated all the time for this past few days..i probably goin to have my period soon..*checkin on calendar*

- Period means PMS tagged along..I just hate being so emotionally unstable..I cant made my mind. Besa laa...''susa ba mo jadi ppuan ne..'' org bilang la..

- I think guys just keep on getting better in being a 'mat bunga' eyh??just sad dou, we girls..never falls for it easily. Guys are so stupid.

- I think love DOESNT make the world go round..It actually make the ride WORTHWHILE .

- Welcome to the 'single and adult-hood life' to me...weeeeee~

- am trying to look for a better job with better income.i need to buy a car. I just cant live without a car..

-Ive been cutting down on cigarettes these days and it makes me feel 2kg heavier..

- i need to consume more water.

- i need to start on my diet..*ya right*

- i am in a relationship..*i lied*

- I have a very kind heart..*so true*

So, this is what ive been up to lately..ignore the last three..im just making that up.

im off now, will blogg more in the future..and..i think maggie ayam with eggs is so delightful to have rite now aite?

ergghhh...makaaaannnn ja ko vale,,nte ko jd Enot bru ko tau!

p/s: I would like to post up some pictures..but i just dont have the time..maybe later k pipols..

Chill-out?

2009-11-05T02:09:00.002+08:00

Im having trouble-sleeping and feels like i wanna have a baby on my own...Bodoh?

Im planning to sleep early tonite but yadayada..situation goes rather ironic all the times...i dont feel sleepy at all..padahal...punya la super massive penat to the max...

I think i'll be transport-less in no time. Someone eventually interested in buying my Red Kancil...aduiii..mere words cant explain how much i feel sad of letting HER go..:(

In the mean time...this is a note to all guys..

guys...treat ur girl with the love of ur heart..Even when she make so many mistakes, but still..woman loves like there's no tomorrow..a woman in love has the ability to boost urself up when ur feeling down..Even when u yelled, still, its the gf who bares it all.

So, called up ur gf now, and tell her how much u love her. When is the last time u did something sweet to ur gf????

*sigh*

Just hoping somebody will treat me that way..iTs been such a long time..

oh crap..Im just talking rubbish..don't bother me.

im off to sleep now..hopefully i'll get some.

Goodnight peeps..see ya around.

*i'll be sleeping with few RnB soul music*

Whatsoever..

2009-11-03T01:08:00.003+08:00

Im going to stay awake tonight as i need to cover all 12 chapters of Marketing..Yeaaa man..My paper is on this coming 4th..so..you know why..

Random..random...random...

This is me. Camwhoring before starting on my revision.

That's all folks..
Over and out.

P/s: I purposely minimize the size of these pictures.

woooooooooooooooot!~

2009-11-01T18:02:00.003+08:00

Long long time ago..~iklan jap..sudden tringat lagu Chris Daughtry..kuikuikui...

My point is..its been such a long time since i last get a internet-gateway thru CC..if ya'll dun understand what CC means..it stands for Cyber Cafe..hohohoho..

*dgr org bekurapak dlm fon d sebelah*

Haizzzzzz..

Sendiri je ne skg..smua mutual friends ada agenda masing2..hm..gini la ba ne klu single..hidup x teratur kunun...wakakakak..if u noticed..i like to mentioned mutual friends instead of friend or best friend or member..or hommies..or what-so-fuck u wanna called it..named it..

why?

good question.

But i dun wanna answer dat. Go figure. Its a homework.

trus blank x tau apa mo tulis..sad ba..tau ka..sad...

:(

Owh-My-Health

2009-10-30T01:19:00.002+08:00

Happy Dawn everyone..

Suddenly wake up from an empty dream n ask myself...why in the world do i have to be here when everyone else is busy slumber-ing their night away???~

Oh well..i think im getting sick..Ive been having this headache for two days straight now and even Panadol Soluble wont do..Plus im starting to feel hot and cold..inside and outside respectively..Dont need to say much..everybody knows i had a massive rival with SINUS..and that explains the runs on my nose..Voice are cracking..but i like it dou..erghhh...Forget it..whats the use of a husky voice if i have to bare with this stupid headache..I might just knock my head down at the wall if i had the guts..and if I dont love God much..I could've been swallowed a full bottle of painkillers and died the morning after..C.O.D of committing suicide..bluff!

I probably get this from Faye as she's been heavily sick too the past few days..Silly me for sharing the same bottle of water with her last week..And how super silly i am to walk under the rain just now.. Mannn..my immune is getting weaker each day..

or...

Maybe because ive been cutting down cigarettes these days..thus..the sickness??

*sigh*

Maybe I shud start smoking again.

glimpse

2009-10-29T00:44:00.002+08:00

Why is it everytime i really need u to be there..u seems to get even more distance from me..?
Don't u know i miss u so much?
or i just dont matter to u anymore?
:(

no?

2009-10-28T22:38:00.003+08:00

Currently listening to Beyonce's

1. Ego
2. Broken-hearted girl

No reason for not loving Beyonce eyh? Anyhooo...My days been so lame, spend the rest of the day sleeping as i cant sleep at all the nite before..end up having a really really bad head ache because Mr Sweet-Talker wake me up with a Morning Greeting..bLarh~

Talking about Mr Sweet-Talker, he's just a guy i know from a friend whom happen to be..well..according to him..."feel something new and extraordinary'' wit me..since the 1st day we met. Nope. I don't fall for that. Not that im being such a bitch, i just think that i am smart enough to fall for it..*clap clap*

From my observation, he's more like the type of guy who knows every inch of words that could melt a girl..yooha..a sweet-talker..Sweeeeeeeeeet. Yet, he's also the bad guy with a good heart n loving attitude..u know..like in the movie?

Aah..so..what happen is..He wanted me to be his girlfirend but how is that going to hapen when:

1. He had a girlfriend
2. I like him but i DON'T love him.

*sigh*...

Mr Sweet-talker still waiting for an answer and i haven't reply any of his calls n msg...Am I doing too much?

Such a huge Ego.

2009-10-28T01:10:00.001+08:00

I wish you could see...

I wish you knew why I needed you to believe...

I wish I wasn't so fucking flawed...

I wish I stopped wishing...

Scumbag?

2009-10-26T21:55:00.003+08:00

"u keep on giving me trouble!u are such a disgrace for this family!u nothing but a troublemaker!useless!"

Imagine having all these words shouted in ur face, by ur own mother.

What did I do to deserve this? Who am i supposed to blame for this??My own mother?God? These argument has been goin on for days now and tomorrow is her birthday. Everyday i wake up, i spend 1st hour thinking of whether or not i get out from my room. I hate those situations when we act like strangers whereas we are one family.

I might did many mistakes n troubles for this family..but does that mean im useless?i am nothing but a troublemaker?? Do u really mean it when u shout that to my face?who am i to u?U want me to walk put from this house?is that what u really want?You dont want me as your daughter anymore?

Why?

I am tired of trying to understand why life been treating me so cruel. People that did so many bad things seems so happy livin in their own fairytale life.Me?

This is not how my family used to be?why when things happen, u have to change as well?You think ur the only one who suffered?You think i never felt ur pain?u think im happy?

I am not happy. I never been happy. I lost everything i had, my studies, my hope, my love life, my dad!and ur love, ur love towards me, your daughter.

I cant find any better solution to this. I cant contribute anything to this family as u wish i can be. I cant be like my cousins. I cant be that.

I just wish my life ended here rite now..maybe that can make u happy.No more disgrace, no more trouble, no more burden.

For the last time,
Happy birthday Caroline Kassianus @ Victoria.
Thank u for being a mother to me for 21years.

For as long as i can take.

2009-10-26T01:08:00.003+08:00

Current playlist:

Mulan Jameela- Lagu Sedih
Nicole Scherzinger- Happily Never After
Mayday Parade- Three Cheers For Another Five Years
Saosin- Voices
D'Masive- Merinduimu
BabyFace- Sorry For The Stupid Things
Taylor Swift- Crazier
BoysLikeGirls feat Taylor Swift- Two is better than one

Im having problem focusing. Im supposed to revise on my Marketing, but my minds gazing around somewhere, keep on thinking about ''shits-happen''..Its chases my focus away..

Last week has been so tough..Been having a small argument with my mum, its so small yet so hurtful. So yea, we're not talking at the moment. I hate it.

and as usual, felt those loneliness starting to crawl back in. When u r fine, people seems so easy to be around..the other way round when ur not in a good situation in ur life..everybody starting to be distance. But who am i to judge rite? Peoples are always moving, people live with choices and most of whom i know, chooose to NOT CARE.Kiasu.

If ur in my FB list, u might noticed a status update i made about being nicotine-free for two days?well..ive been nicotine-ed again just now..Isnt that the greatest feeling ever..no?

I feel like sleeping now but then i jsut cant stop myself from browsing utube and listening to M. Shadow..He sings so good i had orgasm.

"i know u want me to want u, i want too..."

Q-kie~

2009-10-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

Im on Twitter..:)

I have a really bad mood. sad and unwanted kind of feeling. pretty damaged situation and i think a long title is just makin me looked so fucked up.

2009-10-20T22:49:00.003+08:00

So, ive been away for quite some time..I often have the urge to write but as usual..the thoughts just slips away the moment i started jotting down..isnt that weird?or normal? well just for the record..and i know its going to sound so awfully random..but here is some reason why i start blogging.

1. Feels like talking to a wall.
Im not the type of person who likes to be so open up about my problems by talking it to others. As for me, i prefer to just buried it deep inside my heart and just pretend like i am having a ball..not ball..i mean..having a real good time. But in certain circumstances, i really need to talk about it, or just desperately need someone to be an ear..to just listen. And at that moment, i have none. No one to talk to. And it comes to the 1st reason, i jotted down every inch of my feeling in this blogg, just to make myself better..Savvy?

2. Im a selfish bitch.
Why?because most of the time i only wanna hear things that i WANNA hear. I often disagree with opinions that seems not right for me and end up sticking up with my own judgement. here, in my blog, i can talk whatever i want freely. No feedbacks, no comments, n no disagreement.

3. Didn't i just love writing so much.
I love writing..its been part of my life. Writing is greater than a boyfriend..greater than anything..

Tukar topic.

I had someone confess that he loves me?i dunno what to say..I dont know how to react actually.. He seems like a nice-bad-guy..But i just don't think im ready for a relationship..Plus,, he has a girlfriend..what an odd right?

Dear life..i dunno what to think anymore..please please please give me a break...at least one good news.

What am i thinking?

2009-10-04T04:17:00.003+08:00

How can u love someone but u are not really sure about his feelings towards you.

AND

You loves this particular guy so much but at the same time flirting with a guy you just met?

How is that?

My life sucks. Period.

1...2...3...

2009-10-02T22:47:00.004+08:00

I chases my thoughts away..
But my heart keep beating faster..
I take a deep breath..
but i still feel it..

...

I miss you..

wonder how u doin.

sincerely love, kisses and hugs.

fyka.

Just a moment of silencio..por favor..

2009-10-02T11:29:00.003+08:00

haiiizzzzzz..

Okay...i am in my wits end to complete my assignment which has to be submit by 5pm..and now i am working my ass of to figure out this...:

10 advantages of advertising.
10 disadvantages of advertising

10 advantages of personal selling
10 disadvantages of personal selling

10 advantages of sales promotion
10 disadvantages of sales promotion

10 advantages of public relations
10 disadvantages of public relations

I was in heaven fer awhile but not after two "vakum" girls sit beside my table and gossiping about their roomies.....

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!

GILA KICK BISING DORG NE TAUUUUU...

I WOULD BE GLAD AND APPRECIATE IF THEY COULD JUST SLOW IT DOWN SO THAT I CAN THINK PROPERLY...ARGH!

Whataver...im off to 1b...maybe situation get better after lunch...
i desperately need to get away from them..
damn bibiran.

ish.

its so crucial baby.

2009-10-01T22:25:00.003+08:00

Wazza people?

So, today has been awfully hot is it? I am burning ne ba..try to venture myself on how it feels like to take a nap..*since i have not been sleeping during noon hours for quite some time*..but..due to the high degree of weather, i end up just crawling and turning and tossing on my bed..and finally end up crying myself to sleep...still..mission incomplete.

Thank God i only had one class today..plus..i had a very nice and laid-back lunch with Clare..just talking about schools, jobs, money, partey, future, n problems..Speaking about problems..i cant help myself but to hold my tears from dropping..

I just cant stand it everytime mum talks to me about her problems..not that i dont care..but tis just too heartbreaking for me..Every time mum talks about how hard it is for us n especially for her to keep pur family every month..i feel theres a big hole inside my heart..i look into my mum's eyes and i can see her pain..her sacrifices..

I know how much mum miss daddy so much..i can actually every little pain that cost her..And i feel really really bad to be part of this family but theres nothing i can do..Sometimes i feel like giving everything up..quit everything n started looking for money to help the burden of my family...yet...this is not the only way...i dont wanna think short n take my future very lightly..

my mum didnt issue every cash for our education..just to see myself end up quitting every single things that mum had invest for me..How i wish mum know how much i really care about this family..how much i really love her even though i seldom show that i care..how much i really get affected about the situation that we livin in now.

Being a very rebellious daughter, i often hide my feeling from mum. i wont let her know that i am sad..or when im in trouble or facing problems..i never let her know that im in my wits end..

For now..the only thing i can do is just..patient n to be grateful..another three weeks n im done with study..i had few plans in my minds..whether to continue my study..or started looking for jobs...

till then..thats the only thing i can do..

With lots of love n respect..
Vale.

i have sleeping issues.U just like a pill..cherry cherry boom boom.

2009-10-01T00:29:00.003+08:00

FYI, I jsut finished chatting with an old friend of mine.."an OLD FRIEND"..*doing the double-peace thingy*..

Literally..
this girl is the one who...erm..
ok la..malas mo ckp byk kan..
im fine..i just don't understand why..
moments after we finished chatting..
i realize that i dont have to help her at all..

Me, myself is full of mess..
and there i am trying to help her solving her problems?
Plus..she is the one who...
ermm..

fine la..
bagus p cari kegembiraan..
ada kehidupan lagi..
hehe.

Jom main Left4dead?

hati-hati bila bercakap.

2009-09-30T12:59:00.002+08:00

Hari yang sungguh panas dan saya sedang mengalami bad-hair-day..
rambut sudah panjang..
rambut sudah tebal..
hujung rambut kering, nampak macam pubic hair.
mau get a hair-cut tp rasanya duit tinggal rm1.
hari ni sungguh panas gila babeng..
saya mau hisap rokok dan sebentar lagi akan ke rumah sepupu untuk mengumpat.
bikin hilang boring ba tu..dan tambah dosa.
sepa benci saya sila angkat tangan, saya ingin berterima kasih.
saya tiada issue..issue yang ada saya.
issue suka ikut saya ke mana saya pergi sebab saya mempunyai raut wajah yang comel..
terutama sekali bila dilihat dar pandangan atas..mata saya nmpak bulat..
tp itu semua hanya super-imposed sahaja..
rokok pun tinggal satu batang, mungkin lepas ni terpaksa hisap rokok mentol kepunyaan faye dan pearl..tidak sedap..rasa mcam minum clorox.
Dunhill light kegemaran terbaru..marlboro rasa mcam makan sirih.
tapi..hisap juga tatkala waktu2 desperate melanda.
susah mau berhenti merokok?itu semua mainan minda sahaja.
jangan easily temakan saiko..nanti semua benda tidak tercapai..
senang sja mau berhenti..cuma saya belum ready..
malas mau jadi hipokrit.
jadi, tunggu apa lagi?
bakar la..
lepas ne kalau sakit dada, sendiri tanggung.
sila tepuk tangan.

I was damn lucky.

2009-09-25T21:33:00.002+08:00

Current situation: still shaking.

I am now in my room, still wearing my 'baju jalan'. For the record, i just survived in a minor accident. Noticed the word MINOR. Yea..minor but its really horrifying to me. It was my fault, i admit it. Plus..there were no street light, and i was sms-ing that time. I was wrong. I was stupid. and i was careless.Put the blame on me..:(

thankfully..the damaged was not teruk sangat la..minor only..but still i do feel bad about everything..my mom have to issue money..the car need to be fixed..i gave my family a massive-shocking moment..damn it..i feel really2 bad...plus..a 1 year old baby girl is involved and thank god she is okay...

Mannnnnnn..bad things just keep on comin to my family..and the most sucking things are..there is nothing i can do..i dont have anything in me..i have no money, i have no jobs..i am completely zero. I have given so many troubles to my family..why????????????????????//why i still giving them troubles????????????

i am so.....LOST....SAD...

Vale is going down.

2009-09-22T09:37:00.003+08:00

NOT.

I am currently suffering from a bad hangover due to the so-called Raya Aramaitii..yeap..they're not only serving lotsa fancy mancy biscuits but also..Mr. Chivas and Label 5..as well as Mr. Tiger..waittt...errr..I still feel like puking..

..

So, yesterday was very tiring..went to Wan's house in Nongkulub and was totally in love with the Kek Lapis Oreo Chips..hmmmmm~Sorry dou, no pictures available..was so busy testing all the foods..ngeee...mo diet la ne pas raya is over...ya right.

From Wan house, also went to a family friend's house which i basically know them..but they knew my father..and the Chicken Curry was superb..i was actually making a third round with it..heee..lalalalalalala~after eating session, we went inside the living room..(of course insisted by the Tuan Rumah)..the living room is really really nice..from the carpets till it large screen TV..everything just make u feels like home..:)...And here is when the alcohols involved..aiyaaa...its really hard to have a Tambunan blood u see.

Headache, sinus and hungry..but still have so many houses to go..to Beaufort today..haaa...crazy.

Till then, take care peeps and watch what ur eating aite..owwwh..did i mentioned i had a diarrhea yesterday too..erm nevermind..peace out.

Selamat Hari Raya.

2009-09-20T15:12:00.002+08:00

OMGaaahhhhhh...its Raya again..hehehe..how come Raya wud be this early leh?bukan dat dat Puasa is on 22nd aa?then 20rd Raya odi..bulum cukup 1 bulan..?????hahaha..wataver la..im just plain dumb..

I'll be goin out in a few minutes and started visiting my Muslim's frens for 'beraya' activity..hehe..

So, Happy Raya everybody...Maaf Zahir dan Batin..

before i go..here's a little Qkie..

Matters to accomplish during Raya:

1. Makan Lemang.
2. Makan Satay (klu ada)
3. Makan Kuih Batang Buruk.
4. Mo dapat duit Raya.(klu ada)

Yay!

Kiasu.

2009-09-19T11:42:00.002+08:00

SaBTU-Day morning and im feelin down?maybe?maybe not..I need to keep my feeling and my state of mind in the most stable condition that i could..Just a wrong turn can change my mood to a disaster..I don't want it to happen..Please.

The Parents and the Bro are goin back to hometown today..as usual..i be the one who stays..Should i invited him to come over?......Maybe not..he wouldn't want it.

So, its just gonna be me, good music, great books and my bed.

Happy Saturday everybody.

*sigh*

adult-life sucks.
single-hood life sucks.

General Cleaning activity is a day full of OMG-combo.

2009-09-18T09:30:00.000+08:00

Im suppposed to write about this general cleaning thingy yesterday but..Yesterday i was busy having late-nite-sports-activity..if u know wat i mean.

My rooms has been so abondened for months now..don't be surprised..i am such a lazy bum when its come to cleaning..not that i am not a cleanliness little gurl okay..im just so allergic to dust..i cant handle dust very well and everytime i try to clean the fan or even vacum-ing my room..i ended up having a pretty bad sinus..that cause me to consume 2 pills of Uphamol Flu with 650mg each..So, u got the reason kan?

The best part is..General Cleaning helps u to found things that u long look for and never thought u will ever found them...stuffs that u don't even know u have them..stuffs that brings back memories..stuffs that makes u cursed..and whole lots of stuff..I kinda lazy to summarized more...and i am not in a good mood..i miss someone too much that i cried..so..just let the picas do the talking..

This is how my room looks like DURING the general cleaning

yea,,this is my laundry if u mind asking.

OMGaahhhhh...I can't believe this paper still exist..
I passed this paper around when im in sem 6 during Legal class.
This lectures and the lecturer as well is so boring it could kill me slowly..
so i passed this and asked everybody to comment about it..
just for fun..huahuahua.

I finally found my favorite movie of all..very very nice..

omg...porn..I cant recall since when i have these..Porn as well..punyaaa bidaaa...kin malu.

And this is Faye..i heart u arse..haha.

So long sweet summer.

You know what?

2009-09-15T20:23:00.002+08:00

If u ask me did i miss you..Yes..i did miss you..i miss you like i never miss anyone before..i miss it when u were always there for me and chases all my sorrows away..

If u ask me did i still love u..yes i still love u..its just that i dont have the urge to tell u this anymore because i know its always gonna be u love her..i guess i just have to remain silence about all my feelings instead if telling all about it to you because its against karma..if you know what i mean..i know u dont understand..u never understand..

If u ask me if im tired of all this..yes i am extremely tired of all these because for almost two years..its been a really tiring roller-coaster ride or merry-go-round or what-so-fuck u wanna call it..i finally know things will never changed because i know u so well..and enuf said.I know u so well.

If u ask me why i lied..the answer is because i love u so much, i don't even want to hurt ur feelings..which i know its better to be honest than hiding...but the reason is I just don't want to ruin what we had.what we USED to have..

If u ask me do i really wanna be gone..yes i really wanna be gone because its hurting me and im tired of understanding peoples..including you..im tired of being patient..Im not sure if my heart can really handle this..im not sure if i am going to end up walking with my heads up..shows up on your wedding day and gives the sincere smiles ever to u and her OR if i end up being a total-loser and still mourning over losing your love, keeping your pictures, keeping ur things and get myself a big-distruction...No...I dont know that..im not sure about that.

If u ask me did I regret of having u in my life..the answer is No..because im not regretting the fact that u are part of my life..ONCE..i just regret about the choices i made..

If u ask me did I hate you..No..i don't hate because of all the hurts n pain i felt..u have shown me the meaning of life..the meaning of patients..the meaning of give and take..and tolerate..the meaning of love..the meaning of losing someone u love..the meaning of seeing someone u love loving other woman..u have shown me that..and that is why i cant hate you because u had open my eyes..that life is not a bed of roses..life will not always happen as what we wish for..as what we want it to be or what so ever..

I am going down.Period.
I gave up.

U may go now..go as u wish..leave me as u wish..go..and be happy..all the best in life because thats what i really want for u..happy.

I just don't give a damn anymore.

2009-09-15T10:25:00.003+08:00

Gewd Morning ladies and dudeys..

I suddenly felt the urge to blogg..Nothing specific to write about actually..i guess i just need those therapy..

So, yesterday was a really lonely day..Yesterday is one of those day i feel like having no-life and no-fren..mutually frens..or what-so-fucking-ever..I was trying to called up some frens to have lunch together...and this is how it goes..

*text msg*

Vale:ui...bgun da ka?
faye:yaaa...tp msi limpang2 lg ne..napa bebot?
vale:teda..bored ba..meh p mkn...
faye:ba..sy mandi la dulu..
vale:ok..

Vale:Ui..mana ko ne?
clare:d ruma sy..napa?
Vale:errrr...baru mo bawa ko p momom..ndapa la..
clare:okies...

that was 12pm...

2hrs later..

Vale:UI..ko siap da ka?
Faye:hehe..sy jln sm Ryan ne..
Vale:oo ok ok..
Faye:sowie bebot..
vale:.....

*sigh*...My stomach are growling and i dont have the appetite to eat..unless..yea..if i have company..I grab my towel and take a cold-shower..well..at least it makes me feel a bit better..

random: I wonder why one of our photo looks the same..even the caption is almost the same..aah..screw it.Afterall..this post is about "I just don't give a damn anymore".

4pm...

I turned off my crappy lappy and put on some clothes..i barely even noticed that my hair were already dry..I randomly pick some old dress and grab my bag and my car keys..and heading to the place where my minds is instructing..

the library.

Yup. i went to the library..i made a membership card..and started browsing on some cool books to read..yaaa i know..its hard to believe that i loves reading so much eyh..well..i don;t have to tell u guys everything..blarh!

So, i borrowed myself the best 4 books and i have 2 weeks to finish it..

ow yup..i actually borrowed 6 books but apparently, the librarian said i could only borrow 4 books at a time..i was kinda curious because Faye got to borrow 14 books the last time i remember..I asked the person in charge and surprise surprise..I can only borrow up to 14 books if i have the family membership card..which is..only applicable to those who are married....

*bingung*..helooooo...Faye is not married okay..crazy.hahah.But enuf said..at least i got these books to made love with..okay im being sarcastic..u guys dont think that i really mad love with a book right?hmm.

This is my new library card.

And these are the books i'll be reading to ease my chronicle boredom.

That was about my books.

5.30pm..

Vale:Sel..ko d mana..
Adeq:aku otw pulang ne dr ambi c Eya..napa Vale?
Vale:oo..aku ingt ko around kk..
Adeq:ooo..mesti ko minta tlg aku reload ne kan..
Vale:ui..teteda ba..aku kira mo bawa ko stay..
Adeq:ooo..
Vale:ui..aku pun otw balik ne..ko mo stay d kfc beverly..?
Adeq:hmm..nda la..hehe..len kali la k..
Vale:...

*call Faye*

ringing....

still ringing..

ok ok i get it..Shes busy doing you-know-what.

*text msg*

Vale:ui..ko msi d ruma ka?
Clare:iyaaaa..
Vale:hmm..xpala..
Clare:hmm..ko blum mkn ne kan..sorry vale..sy d ruma Boy sda..
Vale:....

*faye called*

Faye:ui..napa?
Vale:napa?meh kwn sy mkn..sy lum mkn ne dr pg..
Faye:ui...sy d Ruma Ryan ne..
Vale:oo..ok ok..sorry2..
Faye:okay..
Vale:.....

Finally, i ended up waiting for my little brother to finish school and bring him to eat KFC with me..Yes..i ate with my 13year old brother.

My body is not a temple, my heart is.

2009-08-23T22:46:00.002+08:00

So, i went out with my cousins today. Faye and Dale. Since its Sunday and we got empty to-do-list, we spend the rest of the day wandering around the mall and hanging out at Ryan's crib..(He is in Australia for some job courses thingy.)

Our girls day out went nice and kinda laid-back. We cook spaghetti, watch some chick's flick movies, smoking light cigarettes, drinking coke, play guitar and of course girl's talking session..its a must..not that we take it as a compulsory but its just blurt out naturally when we're together..especially when its the three of us..Its sumthing that i most prefer to call it as SISTERHOOD.

Random: My phone been zero-credits for few days already now. Money issue.

So, as we were having our girls talk..My mind suddenly reminds me of someone very special to me. Someone that im still reserves a place in the heart for..Thoughts by thoughts slipping to my mind..I wasnt paying enuf attention to Dale's confession at all..I miss him..i miss the precense of him..*sigh*

Am i still hoping?or am i moving on already?

bored

2009-08-21T23:58:00.002+08:00

Random: My lappy went kaput. Have to blog thru my mum's lappy..Dammit i hate computers ith lagging problems..challenging my passion..)(*&^%.

Been neglecting my blog for so long, only now that i have the time to drop by. So, whats what and whats not?

Time goes by so fast..I dont realize its already in the mid of August. Tommorow wil be the first day of Puasa. and a month later will be Raya...Hmm..i love raya so much..wanna know why?

1. Kuih Muih yang tidak lekang menggoda perut yang tidak sexy lagi tidak berkualiti.

2. Peluang untuk drive jauh2 semata2 ingin menghadiri rumah2 terbuka..

3. Peluang untuk mendapat duit raya sebanyak rm2...*heheehehe*

4. And the list goes on.

Random: Suddenly miss my friends. I miss my them so much..miss those happy ang laughing moment..Aiyaaaa...emotions attack..hate it..gimme my cold-heart back.

Ive been browsing for ne movies just now and i cant wait for theesssseeeeeeeeeeeee...!!!

.

2009-07-29T22:53:00.003+08:00

Its hard for me to forget and stop loving you without crying..Been crying for almost 2 hours now that I almost lose my breath..If i were a girl with irrational mind..i would have stop my life already. This is where i lose everytime i try to built myself up..I just cant do it without crying.

If only there is an easy way for me to go thru this..Its just hard for me to accept that i would be far from you..not feeling your love anymore..not having you anymore..not seeing you..not hearing from you..Its hurt me bad to leave but I have to do it for myself..either way..its still going to hurt..

Damn...I miss you so much u never know.. if only u knew wat i feel rite now..can u just hug me?just hug me and let me cry..You don't know how much i really need you by my side rite now..

For the record

2009-07-26T10:22:00.003+08:00

PEOPLE SHOULD JUST
STOP ACTING LIKE THEY CARE.

I remember.

2009-07-25T09:56:00.002+08:00

Its been almost a year since u really left me..

I remember the day u really wanna get rid of me from ur life and ur relationship..I cant help myself but thinking of how am i going to live my life without u. All this while ive been having u as my shoulder. The one who listens and loves me tender. Well im not sure about it now anymore.

I remember the day u say u wanna took care of me..and get rid of all the things that comes between us..but i messed up..someone comes in between and im torn. Having another man in my life at that moment just making my life even worse. Times has fly..now i can really say that i never love the other..Its too bad he just one of those man that im using..to cure my broken heart cause by u..

I remember the day we started clinging..How i wake up every morning listens to ur voice or at least a text saying good morning and have a nice day..At that time, i never thought i would fall so deeply in love with u..At that time, i already had a plan of my own..But suddenly u came and im...

I remember listening to ur problems..sharing ur sadness..and laughter...celebrate ur new life..And i dunno how..i. already in love..with u..

U dont know how i feel to see u leave..honestly yes..u never know wat it feels like to really loss someone because i was always there for u..But u never do the same to me..u love another..and u dismissed me..

I cant explain how..but im still attached to what we been through before...shud i embrace it forever or shud i hate it..because im starting to hate it..im starting to hate our memories..im starting to hate everything that ever happens..but why cant i hate u?u hurt me bad but i still want u..

pls..help me move on..im exhausted..i give up.

Already.

Morning regrets..

2009-07-24T09:52:00.003+08:00

The time now is 9.53am and my im officially reporting my location at the moment..Uitm's Library. Frankly calculate, ive been here since 8-ish am something..Im supposed to have class on Statistic at 8am but hell with it..the class was canceled and the moment im informed..i was walking down the hills towards my classroom already...How savvy was that..My friday morning starts with a last minute class cancelation...grrrr....So Lame~

This is how unpredictable my day can be in UITM..being the only girl among my friends who have to extend my course..This semester is really a big challenge for me..Theres no more walkings with my girlfriends..no more gossiping with my classmate..All the time..i will be following the guys just so that i at least have companion..Everytime my lecturer give away 5 or 10 minutes break..the boys will be out to have a foo..and i'll be coming as well just to warm up from the feeling of frozen in class due to the low temperature of aircond demanded by the lecturer..sometimes i wonder if they were humans???????vampire maybe..urgh~

After foo-ing..the guys will usually go to our so-called canteen to fill their hungry stomach..and i will be the most happiest person at that time that i will lead all the boys in front and biting my lips..Are you kidding me???I love this part right here..hehehe...This is the best time to get foods as everybody will be stuck in cass and you wont be standing in a long line..So..overall..from 10minutes break..we end up having 20minutes break..and the moment we step back in class..Our lecturer will give that killer looks..deeply meaning that we are so stupidly late..

So..thats how it goes everyday in UITM..
Boring and Lame..*same thing isn't it*

Okay then..
over and out..

Not again....

2009-07-23T21:25:00.002+08:00

I was sitting in front of my lappy when my friend suddenly rang me about new singing audition to be held in town. It calls MyStarz LG audition. Basically, yala..of course la its for LG kan..hmm..and not long after 5 minutes..one of my girlfrens pun suddenly alarmed me abt the audition..They invited me to go audition with them as well...

Geeeezzzz....i just dunno..i dun think i wanna try for another singing audition..i just get enough..maybe i need a little more time in my own for the time being..weeee~For all my friends that plans to go for this audition..Goody Lucky and all the best yaaa....:-)...U guys are all a bunch of talented creature..heheheheh..

A day full of OMG - combo.

2009-07-22T19:34:00.002+08:00

I finished my class as early as 10am today. Feelin the crave of the greatest KFC, i called up one of my best buddy Clare and invited her along to have a meal. As we arrived, the parking was overly loaded and i have to parked beside the restaurant which is clearly not a parking lot..wookaaayyy...

*reality check:-

- It is not a parking lot, but people park their car there all the time.
- Traffic officer seldom do a spot check on my area and its like once in a blue moon, they suddenly there..to summons..errghh..~

So yeap..as far as enjoyed my KFC meal this morning..i have to change my mind because im about to puked back my half-ly digested foods inside my stomach once i saw the summons ticket.Blarh!

But they Yang side of my day today was...i got myself a part-time job...yay! So, I sign myself up to become a part-time tutor..im goin to teach English and Bahasa for form 1,2 and 3 students. So what if my paycheck is kinda low..at least i have some pockets money from now on..heee..:-)

btw..Tomorrow is my Marketing class..gonna look drop dead gorgeous just as a payback time..weee~Gotta go look for my killer heels now..

Till Then..Take care folks..
Hugs n Kisses..MMMMUUUAAAAHHHHHHHXXXX!

Okay...ur the boss..

2009-07-21T21:27:00.003+08:00

Today is quite a bad day for me..Apart from being given a 3sets of assignments about Malaysian Economy..which require a full research about Industrial Sector in Malaysia..Ive been extremely humiliated by my Marketing Lecturer.

Lect: Are you wearing sandals?
Me: Errr..yes sir.
Lect: Why are you wearing sandals? Where is your heels?*crouching his eyebrow*
Me: Erm..i didn't wear it today.
Lect: Why?
Me: I dunno know im supposed to wear heels for this class..*showing welfare expression*
Lect: Okay..took off your sandals now and bring it in front..u will only be able to collect your sandals when this class dismissed. Class, my rules are my rules. Simple..If u disobey it, its not my problem.
Me:*speechless and slowly placed my sandals in front and get back to my back row seat.. barefoot.*

I feel so terrible and embarrass at the same time..my face turns red even my ears can blow off some smokes..Gezzzz..mannnn...Seriously..none can be worst than this..

Doesnt matter if im wearing my super 5inches heels or wearing my flip flop sandals..it seriously doesnt effect even 0.01% of my attention towards this subject..shit..ive been insulted..in front all the junior students..blarh. I try to cover my legs with my baju kurung towards the whole period and try to stay focus as i dont want to let them know that i am affected by it..but who gives a shit anyway..

Im still sad....:-(
somebody...someone...
pls entertain me....:-(

Im doing it random-ly..

2009-07-20T21:06:00.002+08:00

Where have all the good boys gone???????

a Q-kie.

2009-07-18T22:05:00.003+08:00

Im sitting on my bed trying to make a good introduction for this post of mine..and after several attempt to figure out the best writing skills, i talk to myself..why am I doing this to myself? I mean, why do I have to even think of the most preferable option to start writing about what im going to express. I dont know..i guess im just being silly and its a total Not-Ok-Material.

So, its Saturday night. Instead of goin out and enjoying my life outside..i rather stay at home and locked myself in the room and get myself on9-ing. I just dont feel like getting high and wasted these days. Last night, i went to meet a friend of mine at Easyway Lintas..we kinda have a nice chit-chat moment..plus its bloody raining outside and its friggin cold..just the way i like it..*wink*

At the same time, Suziey texted me and asked me to join them at Jugs..after catching up with my friend, im off to Jugs and see whats interesting...Apparently, Jugs was still Jugs..and it is not appealing anymore..at least for me..i dont know about them..or maybe im just not in the mood of club-hoping..I only took one glass of mixed tequila that time as i wasnt planned to drink at all..

Feelin the boredomness in Jugs..they decided to move to Razz ma Tazz..Im thinking of going straight back home but they insisted me to drop by...Being the nice-and-sweet-little-Vale..I did. As we entered Razz..it gives me the chills..the memories of me getting my self badly drunk on Odell's birthday...Grrrrr~I only drank 1 glass of Tiger and a glass of Long Island and i must say i was tipsy..Mannnn...im not bluffing and im seriously not being a bitch of saying this..but I can handle Alcohol..i mean..really good. Few glasses is not a problem for me..But i guess im just not in the mood to drink and that explains why.

After about an hour passed..I told Suziey i need to go home because i promised my mum i would be home by 1am..*padahal sengaja mo balik awal ne ba..hehehehe..* So, I did the goodbyes and drove home.Smp ruma ja trus tidur...ZzZzZzZ~Overall.it was just an OK night.

Thats about last night.

This morning i went out breakfast with Faye, my best cuzzy in the world. Gosh..i missed her ne ba..we talked a lot..as usual..and we from certain topics to another topics..hehe..after breakfast..we drop by to his BF home, and Ryan and we decided to go jalan2 at 1B...Anddddddd....

I bump into my ex bf when i was in form 2.Needed me to say more?...huh..okay..what a terrible awkward moment there..Enough already.

So..that was that..Pearl..texted me saying she wants to bring me lepak kdai Kaling..

Bye2 peeps..

hugs and kisses..

me..

No hope.

2009-07-12T22:53:00.002+08:00

I feel like something is not right. I dunno why..but my heart is pumping hard as if i just finished a 1500meter runs. I feel scared, and worried...Could it be the signs of my pMS again?erghhh..it is so hard to be a woman.

I guess im just afraid of things and situation..in that i dont want it to change..now why am i being so selfish??now why am i talking about it here..i dunno..i cannot do anything.

There are few things that i am worried about..im worried about my schools..im worried about money..im scared of feeling lonely..im scared of humiliation..there is nothing but negative vibe surrounds me now..I just need those comforting sounds and words to cheer me up now..

I feel so weak at times like these..when i have to console my own feelings..I almost give up..give up on life..give up on everything..but something keep me going..wat is it?Go figure.

here i am..talking about my weakness..in which i shouldnt be letting all of u know..yea..im actually a very weak person..im actually a very sad person..now all of u know..why im here..

You got it bad.

2009-06-19T14:09:00.002+08:00

Well hello there..
I know i know..ive been hardly found gazing around my blog lately..
im sorry for for the absence..just that my life seems to be busier each day..just the way i wanted it to be..so..for some Q-kie..just gonna tell all of u what ive been up to lately..

1. I got talent finals is getting near. We had two songs to sing..so ya..two practise is needed.
2. Schools is opening soon..and my friend have lotsa olan to pull out...*errgh*
3.I have no time for myself, and i like it. Being busy make me forget certain things that makes me sad.

things im looking forward to:
1. Island
2. Water rafting.
3. road trip.
4.schools
5.part time job.

things i wanna get rid
1.boredomn
2.sadness

things i wanna maintained.
1.money
2.thought
3.memories
4.stay in love.

Btw..my JFK mood is back.

*JKF=Just Fuck It.

Just one of those PMS moment.

2009-06-08T13:49:00.000+08:00

Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of humankind.

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of people.
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.

This has been my life; I found it worth living.

May 30 and May 31

2009-05-30T18:51:00.001+08:00

HAPPY KAAMATAN PEOPLE.
GET DRUNK...
AND
GET WASTED...
HAHAHAHAHA~

Uploading some pictures from I GOT TALENT.

2009-05-24T09:18:00.003+08:00

Pictures on our 1st audition.
from left to right:
me,marlleyney,apple,suziey and shasha.

Group photo after finish audition. I was sick that time.

1st heat of I Got Talent.
Location: KTV waiting room.
from left to right:
me,suziey,shasha and marlleyney.

16 finalist that made it to the 2nd heat.

And again,us.

when ur gone...fuck u

2009-05-24T09:11:00.002+08:00

Sunday always been so sunny...hot...bored..and lonesome..obviously talking abt being single eyh?haha..because if im not single..i wont be here posting abt how lonely i am and how broken my heart is rite now plus some yada yada randomness..

*sigh*..wondering whats the reason of the sigh???hmm...just missing someone who doesnt really know abt how i feel..ya ya ya..pathethic kan..vale bgus ko mampus.

Blarh!

2009-05-22T14:39:00.002+08:00

So, ive been joing this competition which requires me to sing...I GOT TALENT..At first, i never thought that singing competition is gonna be this hard..i mean..when i was a little kid, singing competition just ginna held for one night..but nowdays..i mean..for I GOT TALENT.. there will be elimination as well as genre for the weeks..waaa.this is tough man...

Plus..now im having a very bad cough..aaahh shitttt...its really difficult for me to sing..to make it more worst..im singing WHEN UR GONE by Avril Lavigne for Rock/Alternative night..Grrrr...i dont like the song actually..its really hard for me to sing it with emotion because the thing is...hmm..teda la...

wish me luck.

So called Yum Cha talks.

2009-05-17T02:57:00.002+08:00

"are you stupid?'"
"Nope"
"Then why did u say u shy?because shy is equal to stupid..if u keep on feeling shy, u cant go anywhere."
"okay..u know..i get that..i mean..i am shy..but not shy because of the talent that i have but i shy because of the physical features that i have."
"alaaa..cmon la..okay..lets just put it this way..take Adibah Noor for example..i mean shes a real big women is it?"
"ya..??"
"and who is she now?what is she becoming now?people respect her..not because of the physical features that she got but the talent that she has. See, thats what i want u to be clear with..pls la..dont be shy..its just a singing competitio.."
"okayla..i think i got ur point here..the thing is im just lake of confidence."
"Right..i know.i can see that..u just be yourself and u'll be fine..have fun and enjoyed.Dulu kan, i used to be an athlete ba..i know im not very the laju la in terms of running..but at least i do trust the talent that i have and even if im lost..i still satisfied because ive tried and i did my best to win."
"Yala..thanx man..i'll take that as an advise.."
"No big deal bha..we are your friends..of course we will support you..come let me give u a hug just to boost your spirit"
"awww..thanks man..i really appreciate that"

I'm having this conversation with Roy aka Claire's boyfriend while having a drinkinf session at Eclips just now.Yup just now..FYI, i just came home and i think i wanna write what ive just been ceramah.

So, ive entered myself to this one competition called I GOT TALENT which will be held at Djunction Pub. To be honest with you, this is my very first time to join a singing competition..cut the part where im being force by my secondary school's teacher who forced me to sang the Gelang si paku Gelang song.

Frankly, im not feeling well..ive got a sore throat and cough and it really affect my singing and that why im worried. Whoaaaa...but whatever it is..ive already gotten many supports and positive talk from my friends just now and i think i wanna do my best, enjoy, be myself and dont let them down. Because i believe on the talent i have..i can sing..Yes i can sing..

Thanx for the advise that ya'll had been given me..i really appreciate it..bah..minum2..*tipsy*

"No big deal ba..we are your friends, we support you..

Alhamdulillah..syukur..

2009-05-06T14:57:00.003+08:00

Mungkin Tuhan sengaja mahu kita berjumpa dengan orang yang salah sebelum menemui orang yang betul supaya apabila ktia akhirnya bertemu dengan insan yang betul, kita akan tahu bagaimana untuk bersyukur dengan nikmat pemberian dan hikmah di sebalik pemberian tersebut. Apabila salah satu pintu kebahagiaan tertutup, yang lain akan terbuka tetapi lazimnya kita akan memandang pintu yang telah tertutup itu terlalu lama hinggakan kita tidak nampak pintu yang sudah dibukakan untuk kita.

Kawan yang paling baik adalah seseorang yang anda bileh duduk di dalam buaian dan berbuai besama tanpa berjata apa-apa pun dan kemudian berjalan pulang dengan perasaan bahawa itu lah perbualan paling hebat pernah anda alami. Memang benar yang kita tidak akan tahu apa yang telah kita punyai sehinggalah kita kehilangannya dan juga benar bahawa kita tidak tahu apa yang kita rindukan sehinggalah "ia" datang.

Memberi seseorang seluruh cinta anda bukanlah satu kepastian yang mereka akan mencintai anda kembali. Jangan harapkan cinta sebagai balasan. Nantikan sahaja ia untuk mekar di dalam hati anda. Ia cuma mengambil masa seminit untuk jatuh hati pada seseorang, satu jam untuk menyukai seseorang, satu hari untuk mencintai seseorang, tetapi ia mengambil masa sepanjang hidup untuk melupakan seseorang.

"They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, but then an entire life to forget them."

Jangan pandang kepada kecantikan kerana boleh jadi ianya palsu. Jangan kejar kemewahan kerana ianya akan susut. Carilah seseorang yang membuatkan anda tersenyum kerana ia cuma memerlukan sekuntum senyuman untuk mencerahkan hari yang suram. Carilah sesuatu yang membuatkan hati anda tersenyum. Akan tiba satu ketika di dalam kehidupan apabila anda teramatkan rindukan seseorang sehingga anda ingin menggapainya dari mimpi anda dan memeluknya dengan sebenar.

Mimpilah apa yang ingin anda mimpikan, pergilah ke mana-mana yang ingin anda tujui dan jadilah apa yang anda inginkan kerana anda hanya memiliki satu kehidupan dan satu peluang untuk melakukan semua perkara yang ingin anda lakukan. Semoga anda memiliki kebahagiaan yang cukup untuk membuatkan diri anda menarik, percubaan yang cukup untuk membuatkan anda kuat, kesedihan yang cukup untuk memastikan anda adalah seorang insan dan harapan yang cukup untuk membuatkan anda bahagia. Selalu bayangkan diri anda di dalam kasut seseorang. Jika anda rasa ianya menyakitkan anda, fikirlah ia mungkin menyakitkan orang lain juga. Kebahagiaan seseorang manusia tidak semestinya dalam memiliki segala yang terbaik. Mereka hanya membuat yang terbaik dalam hampir apa saja yang datang di dalam perjalanan hidup mereka.

Kebahagiaan terletak kepada mereka yang menangis, mereka yang terluka, mereka yang telah mencari dan mereka yang telah mencuba. Hanya mereka yang boleh menghargai kepentingan manusia yang telah menyentuh hidup mereka. Cinta bermula dengan senyuman, mekar dengan ciuman dan berakhir dengan tangisan. Masa depan yang cerah sentiasa berteraskan kehidupan yang lalu yang telah dilupakan. Anda tidak boleh meneruskan kehidupan dengan sempurna sehingga anda melupakan kegagalan dan kekecewaan masa silam.

Semasa anda dilahirkan, anda menangis dan orang di sekeliling anda tersenyum. Teruskanlah hidup anda supaya apabila anda mati nanti, andalah yang akan tersenyum dan orang sekeliling anda pula yang akan menangis…

Randomly made by me.

2009-05-05T23:57:00.000+08:00

Sudah Gila~~~

I was humming that line over and over again..Haizzzz...Theres so much emotions in me but when i started staring this monitor..my brain goes...ZzZzZz...????...*****...

And that is why i called this entry as Randomly made by me..I have no idea how to specifies my post..and it goes randommmmm...*mentioned*

I miss someone..
Im freakin stressed with Legal..
Im nervous about interview..
I feel lonely as hell..
I feel useless..
i just wanna go away..
*deep sigh*

I dunnno wat is wrong with me..feel empty and i dont wanna think about it..fuck it.

Dont mess with my family u ass.

2009-04-30T19:58:00.002+08:00

Last night, when i was about to go to sleep, i heard a hard and loud knocks on my door..Reluctantly..i checked and theres mum..asking me to get ready..it takes me minutes to figure out what she said..it happen to be that my Uncle has been brutally beaten by several chinese road bullies..

As i arrived, my uncle was totally exhausted, blood was all over his face..its kinda look like an awful injury..At that moment, me with my anger inside my heart..continuously cursing those whoever beaten him. To start with, he was on his way home..Frankly, he was driving Faye's lowered Satria and of course its kinda slow to passed the bonggols. And wtf is that, the chineses boys cant stand the slow motion of my uncles car and decided to cucuk and honk him from the back..mai lin oo??cant u just brought ur heavy cocks and over-tacked?fuck ass damn chinese man!

Feelin annoyed, my uncles stop by the roadside and get out from the car to asked what is the chineses problems actually, and without warning, one of the chinese dick face took a hard metal and beat my uncle and after finised, they ran away..what the fuck is that?trying to hit a way an adult..why dont he just go one by one without any weapon..that will sound more like a hero..kimak la!

After taking some information from my uncle, me and my cuzzy Pearl went to the security centre to check the entrance cctv. Apparantly, the guys drove a Kelisa SAA7010C just at the back of my uncles car. After we detect the car, we sent 2 security to see where did they parked and their house number and soon after that, we called the police.The police is another story..

After last night's incident, i finally understand why do people hate cops so much..that is because most of the cops are irresponsible..so this is how it goes between my conversation with the asshole cops pukima anjing sial anak ko isap butu babi!

"Sepa yang kena pukul"-Fucked up cops.
"uncle sya"-lovely me.
"sepa yang pukul?"-Fucked up cops.
"erm..ada budak2 cina td p pukul dia.sbb dia lmbat bawa keta ja..then dorg x sabar..dorg p pukul uncle sy pula pkai besi..pas tu dorg chow."-lovely me.
"di mana mangsa skg?"-fucked up cops.
"ada d rumah."-lovely me.
"terukkah?napa x bawa p hospital?''-fucked up cops.
"alaa..nda tau klu dia dpt jalan ka nda..sbb dia lemah tul skg tu..nda jua teruk berabis la..tp totally lemah..bedarah2 td banyak."-pissed me but still maintain lovely.
"ba..klu dia nda buli jalan, kamu angkat la?!"fucked up cops.
"uih..UNCLE SAYA, BADAN DIA DUA KALI GANDA LAGI BESAR DARI BADAN TUAN."-pissed me and dont care if i look totally crap.
"oo..jadi badan sy keci la ne?"*laughing*-fucked up cops getting ready to get fuck by stray dogs.
"uina..keci pula ne.."my cuzzy Pearl.
"nda buli ka kmu p tgk sana kejap?''-pissed me trying to have a slow talk.
"buli tu buli..tp klu kmi p sana..APA JUGA YANG KAMI BLEH BUAT?"-Fucked up cops enjoying getting a BJ by his son.

owh my god..what the fuck..u asking us what u shud do?wheres ur brain man?Okay..i understand if it takes some procedure to log a police report..but that is not an excuse of not taking ur responsibility. U are the cops, u know better. At least just take a look at my uncle's condition and make a simple report or take some information, as well as calling the headoffice so that they aware of it.Thats all!

Damn..i am so damn pissed with the cops..so was Pearl..both of us are really surprised with their response. Even the security guard is much better.

So, my aunty bring my uncle to the hospital and then went to the police station to log a report. Found out that the guy's car has been detected by the JPJ and they will do some tangkapan in no time.Good!

All my family are so shocked to hear about this because all of us never thought that my uncle will got beaten. And let me remind u that my family will not be quiet until justice is done. Dont mess with my family because if u hurt one of us, u are messing with all of us. What u have done, u gonna pay for it!u got that! And to the bastard police named Lokhman..u are so dead. My aunty has make a complain about you and i hope u enjoy ur dog's dick in ur mouth.Ok!

Disclaimer: i dont care if im getting jail for trashing the cops. Cops are bastard anyway..Well some of them..whatever it is..the cops last night..was a total asshole.

Gravity.

2009-04-30T02:36:00.003+08:00

Did i gAze around your thoughts sumtimes?
Because i can feel it..
or maybe im just having sort of wishful thinking..
Why do it feels like you?
the further i go..the closer ur precense feels like..
Something always brings me back to you...
Kill me now, Please.

RANDOM and nothing is right.

2009-04-28T23:00:00.002+08:00

I was browsing thru my 'kodak moments' just now..Cant believe i have taken a lots of pictures and each of them leaves memories actually...*deep sigh* 3 papers down..2 more papers to go..I just finished my Macro paper today and all i can say is..'Hopefully'..The question is easy but my brain refuse to storm..

Cant really write down my thoughts at the moment bcoz seems like all my ideas likely to be scattered around and i just dunno where to begin..Feelin kinda tired of thinking but i know i cant stop myself from thinking actually..im such a paranoia..

Well..yada yada..

Really lazy to blog. Just thought of passing by..at least i never forget..

Till then..
remember..always..

i LOVE and i LOST

2009-04-28T00:19:00.002+08:00

"This is a lesson for you like it was for me, and it's not just the fact that you lost the one you really2 love with all your heart, it's the fact of starting over in a sense..like pickin up the pieces and knowing who cares around you and then when someone goes through the same shit like you did, you will be like me, to help and to share and understand because that's what they need most.."someone told me this.

True.

Perhaps this is gonna be the ending of my complicated love life. All these while, ive been dealing with all sorts of dramas and merry-go-rounds..I think eventually im the one who need to bring myself up..The one who need to quit being patient..the one who need to quit of all sickening hopes in me..Im not sure if this is what i really want..or if i can really make myself deal with it..I dont know.

Am i afraid?You can say so..Perhaps im just afraid of losing him forever..should i? I cant keep pretending that he is gonna love me or pretending that everything still remain the same between us when its obvious that im no longer the girls who used to have a place in his heart.

I came to a point where i feels like questioning the past..where i began to feel like its not my fault for making a mistakes..Thers always a reason why certain things occur and i dont think im the one who breaks it..Perhaps this is what i am..disposable.

I feel so sad. So sad to accept that im alone. Theres nobody to find comforts for...Loner..thats my middle name for now..How i wish i can jsut dispose u from my heart in just a prick of finger..How i wish..

Dont come and judge me when i say i wanna forget you. I hope i can knock some senses in you, just to make u understand how it feels like to be in my shoes..U walk away, u came back and u leave..again.

I remember the day u came back..and i was the one who always stand by you..Move along with your so-called new life..so-called new principal..so-called new perception..I was the one who listen to everything in you..who adore you..who be there for you..

In the end..whose gonna save my ass?I love and i lost.

PMS?

2009-04-23T22:18:00.002+08:00

I think im having a PMS symptoms..u know...that things that usually hit us all women and all of a sudden we get so fuckin sensitive out of nowhere and no reason at all??
errrghh.thats exactly how i fet..im feelin so moody since this morning..everything seems t be so not right..buhhh..whatever la kan..but i think im just annoyed myself ne ba...errggghhhh!!~

So, wat am i gotta do now?Im bored like hell lg ne..Just finish my 2nd paper..Plannin on borrowing some dvd from a friend but seems like he feels uneasy about me goin to his house..Buhhhh..not like im gonna stay longer juga ba..jan la ba risau..ish...u see?im mad again!palui ehhh...Cibaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~

ui...whatever la...afterall..lifes always been about Yin and Yang..ups and down..black or white..perhaps im jsut goin thru a bad day..

btw..i miss someone but i dint think he miss me.*dissapointed way*

Better get my mind calm before theres more explicit words comes out..
till then..wish u all a great day~

Its raining now..Hallelluyah!!~

2009-04-16T23:15:00.003+08:00

Did I ever mention that I love the rains so much?

Ready, get set, Go!~

2009-04-13T21:23:00.002+08:00

argghhhhhhh.....

*deep breath*

Okay..im goin to make dis short and simple..

Its my fault. And im having problems confessing it. But not anymore. Im sorry, i shouldnt have reacted the way i act last night. Please forgive me.

Seee, i can be a nice gurl too sumtimes.

Disclaimer: I really do regret wat i did. and i know nothing can take back the words i said. Believe me, i dun really mean it, im just saying it because im angry. Im ready to be grounded.

My words,my thought,my body and my soul.

2009-04-13T15:21:00.005+08:00

Due to some unexplainable and personal reasons, i deleted my previous post.

Somehow somewhere along the line I lost the urge to use my words the way I always do. I cant speak them and more importantly I can't write them down. The inspiration has always been there but whenever I hold a pen or sit here with my fingers touching the keys I cant seem to start and not stop until Im done. Even now Im having so much difficulty writing a whole sentence. Thats also the reason why I deleted my last post. The truth is there wasnt one. I just couldnt do it.

I always find a way to fix anything "broken", in me or in someone else. There was always a solution, another perspective not previously thought of that I caught on and build upon but this time I just dont see it. I just dont know what is the solution to this. If I dont find one soon i'll probably flunk out of Uni and end up with nothing again.

The words just dont mean anything to me anymore. Even words that arent personal.

A good heart is what I have he said.What use is a good heart if it feel nothing but negative feelings?

Hot!Hot!

2009-04-11T11:31:00.003+08:00

Happpy Saturday people...

To start with...yea..he wakes me up today and i was quite surprised..Well..its been so long since he last did that to me..kinda reminds me of the way we used to be before..u know..waking uo with his voice saying the greatest good morning everrrr~~~Hush vale..u overdoing it..*grin*..

It was bloody hot outside and my entire room feels like a favaourable sauna that i am completely wet rite now..Nope..not wet..i am sweating to be precise..hehe..I think its because of the global warming the earth is facing right now and i am totally not happy about it...

Arggg...i want aircond in my room...duhhh...why the sudden im being so selfish??

gotta go people..drink lotsa water okay..and yeap..do apply osme sunscreen onto ur skin if ur planning to go out aite...i told ya..it friggin hot!

Till then..
mmush mmush my Saturday Hero..

Now or never

2009-04-10T21:23:00.002+08:00

Today s my last class with my classmates. Final exam is just around the neighbourhood and after that will be eternal farewell...argghh...hate is..once again..all the people that i cherish just gotta leave...

Well..its nobody's faults actually..people have their life and so was mine..im just frustrated that im the one who leave behind..

As for now, i only have my friends that can really cheer me up..I dont know how its gonna be like when everybody started pursuing in degree..will i ever meet them..will there be any practical jokes we use to have in class?..Damn..Why do all good things come to an end?

I guess i just have to face it like a real adult as im entering it in no time. For sure we will meet again but at that moment..changes...is all i will see...

I better start studying now.

hmm..after watching One in a million.hehe..

Sorry..no mood to be serious.

Bubbye.