I had a good talk with Chester just now..nothing much and nothing specific..just recalling those 'been there, done that' moment..and just by talking about it..we both realize how much we've changed..to be better la..
Ever since I was a kid, I always been a very troublesome child. I never been the favorite niece among my aunts and uncles..and most definitely never the favorites of my grandparents..I always thinks that I am different from my cousins because i never get the same treatment as they get..Everything I did is wrong..Up to a point that I thought i was adopted because they were really well behaved..unlike my rebellious attitude..I always being compared to my other cousins because they never yelled at their mother..and I did.
As i grow up..I was exposed to so many negative surroundings..i grow up in a quarters where most of the youths involved with gangs, drugs, alcohols, sex and so on..My friends were usually much older than me..3-6 years older than me and thats the reason why that time..I am more matured compare to other kids my age..I remember I always being brought to a small abandoned house by my grown up friends and I just sat there, watching them do drugs, get high and get intimate with their partners..and they are the reason how i met my first boyfriend.
Well..I had my first crush when I was 10 but I had my real first boyfriend when I was 12. When I recalled back the reason for me and him being together, I felt so dumb I slapped myself hard...FYI: He is 5 years older than me and he's a Blackmetal..and surprised surprised..I had my first kiss with him. I know..wtf right? Call me stupid, a bitch or whatsoever..that really happened. I was so crazy in love I spoiled my performance at school..Its obvious that he only in it for fun..helloooooo...what does a 17yr old guy sees in a 12yr old girl???????
I was lucky enough my parents know about this and they broke the relationship..what if my parents never knew about this and I lost my virginity and get pregnant???owh-my~ As soon as my parents knew about this, I was sent to my Aun't place so that we never get the chance to see each other. I remember being so angry with my mother for setting us apart..I live a miserable life because I was not used to live with other people even my relatives..I felt awkward by just sitting with them while having dinner. Ever since that, I never met him anymore and i became a loner and my relationship with my mother wrecked. Looking back I guess being a loner is the reason why I pass with flying colors in my UPSR.
But, the story above is just the starting point of my teenage life. When I entered high school, aahhhhhh...I get even worse. Let see...I started smoking, having rivals with bitches at school, fighting with boys, runaway from home..when I was 13. I had my first girl fights from other school when I was 14..(It was a police-case fyi), I skipped school, involved in underground scenes, and drank alcohol when I was 15. Yeap, I was very rebellious. I don't have a good relationship with my parents. Only when I was 16 and moved to SM Teknik, my behavior getting better, my record getting better, my relationship with my parents getting better, my study getting better..all because I met my second boyfriend. Hmmmm...I consider him as my high school sweetheart..He is nice..he always brought me breakfast from home and sent it to my class in the morning..long story short, He was once, my soulmate.
Moving on..i get into university life. Who would have known right? Jajal2 pun buli msuk U...hahahaha. During my Diploma years..I never really had those damn troubles like my high school years..just some social activities like clubbing, late-night hangouts and love-drama..unhealthy relationships and yada yada yada..And my social life is the reason for my break-up with my second boyfriend..There goes our 4 years relationship, vanished. I think during these times I started to appreciate life more. Especially when I nearly lost my dad, my whole life turns up side down and I began to cherish every moment, good or bad..that happens in my life..until now, I realize that, I was once a troublesome and rebellious girl because nobody taught me about life. All the life-lessons i get is from the bad things that i done..not from anybody's advice, not from my parent's lecture..because obviously, i never listened to my parents at all(dulu). All and all, I live, and I learnt. Truth to be told, Im glad that i get exposed to negativity at such a young age, because, by the time i grow up and girls my age started to involved in 'those', I am so over it already.
Im 22 years old now and the things that happened in my life never failed to make me realize my standpoint. Its amazing to see that I learnt, what I never been taught.
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