Owh-My-Health

Happy Dawn everyone..

Suddenly wake up from an empty dream n ask myself...why in the world do i have to be here when everyone else is busy slumber-ing their night away???~

Oh well..i think im getting sick..Ive been having this headache for two days straight now and even Panadol Soluble wont do..Plus im starting to feel hot and cold..inside and outside respectively..Dont need to say much..everybody knows i had a massive rival with SINUS..and that explains the runs on my nose..Voice are cracking..but i like it dou..erghhh...Forget it..whats the use of a husky voice if i have to bare with this stupid headache..I might just knock my head down at the wall if i had the guts..and if I dont love God much..I could've been swallowed a full bottle of painkillers and died the morning after..C.O.D of committing suicide..bluff!

I probably get this from Faye as she's been heavily sick too the past few days..Silly me for sharing the same bottle of water with her last week..And how super silly i am to walk under the rain just now.. Mannn..my immune is getting weaker each day..

or...

Maybe because ive been cutting down cigarettes these days..thus..the sickness??

*sigh*

Maybe I shud start smoking again.

glimpse

Why is it everytime i really need u to be there..u seems to get even more distance from me..?
Don't u know i miss u so much?
or i just dont matter to u anymore?
:(

no?

Currently listening to Beyonce's

1. Ego
2. Broken-hearted girl

No reason for not loving Beyonce eyh? Anyhooo...My days been so lame, spend the rest of the day sleeping as i cant sleep at all the nite before..end up having a really really bad head ache because Mr Sweet-Talker wake me up with a Morning Greeting..bLarh~

Talking about Mr Sweet-Talker, he's just a guy i know from a friend whom happen to be..well..according to him..."feel something new and extraordinary'' wit me..since the 1st day we met. Nope. I don't fall for that. Not that im being such a bitch, i just think that i am smart enough to fall for it..*clap clap*

From my observation, he's more like the type of guy who knows every inch of words that could melt a girl..yooha..a sweet-talker..Sweeeeeeeeeet. Yet, he's also the bad guy with a good heart n loving attitude..u know..like in the movie?

Aah..so..what happen is..He wanted me to be his girlfirend but how is that going to hapen when:

1. He had a girlfriend
2. I like him but i DON'T love him.


*sigh*...

Mr Sweet-talker still waiting for an answer and i haven't reply any of his calls n msg...Am I doing too much?

Such a huge Ego.

I wish you could see...

I wish you knew why I needed you to believe...

I wish I wasn't so fucking flawed...

I wish I stopped wishing...

Scumbag?

"u keep on giving me trouble!u are such a disgrace for this family!u nothing but a troublemaker!useless!"

Imagine having all these words shouted in ur face, by ur own mother.

What did I do to deserve this? Who am i supposed to blame for this??My own mother?God? These argument has been goin on for days now and tomorrow is her birthday. Everyday i wake up, i spend 1st hour thinking of whether or not i get out from my room. I hate those situations when we act like strangers whereas we are one family.

I might did many mistakes n troubles for this family..but does that mean im useless?i am nothing but a troublemaker?? Do u really mean it when u shout that to my face?who am i to u?U want me to walk put from this house?is that what u really want?You dont want me as your daughter anymore?

Why?

I am tired of trying to understand why life been treating me so cruel. People that did so many bad things seems so happy livin in their own fairytale life.Me?

This is not how my family used to be?why when things happen, u have to change as well?You think ur the only one who suffered?You think i never felt ur pain?u think im happy?

I am not happy. I never been happy. I lost everything i had, my studies, my hope, my love life, my dad!and ur love, ur love towards me, your daughter.

I cant find any better solution to this. I cant contribute anything to this family as u wish i can be. I cant be like my cousins. I cant be that.

I just wish my life ended here rite now..maybe that can make u happy.No more disgrace, no more trouble, no more burden.

For the last time,
Happy birthday Caroline Kassianus @ Victoria.
Thank u for being a mother to me for 21years.

For as long as i can take.

Current playlist:

Mulan Jameela- Lagu Sedih
Nicole Scherzinger- Happily Never After
Mayday Parade- Three Cheers For Another Five Years
Saosin- Voices
D'Masive- Merinduimu
BabyFace- Sorry For The Stupid Things
Taylor Swift- Crazier
BoysLikeGirls feat Taylor Swift- Two is better than one

Im having problem focusing. Im supposed to revise on my Marketing, but my minds gazing around somewhere, keep on thinking about ''shits-happen''..Its chases my focus away..

Last week has been so tough..Been having a small argument with my mum, its so small yet so hurtful. So yea, we're not talking at the moment. I hate it.

and as usual, felt those loneliness starting to crawl back in. When u r fine, people seems so easy to be around..the other way round when ur not in a good situation in ur life..everybody starting to be distance. But who am i to judge rite? Peoples are always moving, people live with choices and most of whom i know, chooose to NOT CARE.Kiasu.

If ur in my FB list, u might noticed a status update i made about being nicotine-free for two days?well..ive been nicotine-ed again just now..Isnt that the greatest feeling ever..no?

I feel like sleeping now but then i jsut cant stop myself from browsing utube and listening to M. Shadow..He sings so good i had orgasm.

"i know u want me to want u, i want too..."

Q-kie~

Im on Twitter..:)

I have a really bad mood. sad and unwanted kind of feeling. pretty damaged situation and i think a long title is just makin me looked so fucked up.

So, ive been away for quite some time..I often have the urge to write but as usual..the thoughts just slips away the moment i started jotting down..isnt that weird?or normal? well just for the record..and i know its going to sound so awfully random..but here is some reason why i start blogging.

1. Feels like talking to a wall.
Im not the type of person who likes to be so open up about my problems by talking it to others. As for me, i prefer to just buried it deep inside my heart and just pretend like i am having a ball..not ball..i mean..having a real good time. But in certain circumstances, i really need to talk about it, or just desperately need someone to be an ear..to just listen. And at that moment, i have none. No one to talk to. And it comes to the 1st reason, i jotted down every inch of my feeling in this blogg, just to make myself better..Savvy?

2. Im a selfish bitch.
Why?because most of the time i only wanna hear things that i WANNA hear. I often disagree with opinions that seems not right for me and end up sticking up with my own judgement. here, in my blog, i can talk whatever i want freely. No feedbacks, no comments, n no disagreement.

3. Didn't i just love writing so much.
I love writing..its been part of my life. Writing is greater than a boyfriend..greater than anything..

Tukar topic.

I had someone confess that he loves me?i dunno what to say..I dont know how to react actually.. He seems like a nice-bad-guy..But i just don't think im ready for a relationship..Plus,, he has a girlfriend..what an odd right?

Dear life..i dunno what to think anymore..please please please give me a break...at least one good news.

What am i thinking?

How can u love someone but u are not really sure about his feelings towards you.



AND



You loves this particular guy so much but at the same time flirting with a guy you just met?



How is that?



My life sucks. Period.

1...2...3...

I chases my thoughts away..
But my heart keep beating faster..
I take a deep breath..
but i still feel it..

...

I miss you..

wonder how u doin.

sincerely love, kisses and hugs.

fyka.

Just a moment of silencio..por favor..

haiiizzzzzz..

Okay...i am in my wits end to complete my assignment which has to be submit by 5pm..and now i am working my ass of to figure out this...:

10 advantages of advertising.
10 disadvantages of advertising

10 advantages of personal selling
10 disadvantages of personal selling

10 advantages of sales promotion
10 disadvantages of sales promotion

10 advantages of public relations
10 disadvantages of public relations

I was in heaven fer awhile but not after two "vakum" girls sit beside my table and gossiping about their roomies.....

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!

GILA KICK BISING DORG NE TAUUUUU...

I WOULD BE GLAD AND APPRECIATE IF THEY COULD JUST SLOW IT DOWN SO THAT I CAN THINK PROPERLY...ARGH!

Whataver...im off to 1b...maybe situation get better after lunch...
i desperately need to get away from them..
damn bibiran.

ish.

its so crucial baby.

Wazza people?

So, today has been awfully hot is it? I am burning ne ba..try to venture myself on how it feels like to take a nap..*since i have not been sleeping during noon hours for quite some time*..but..due to the high degree of weather, i end up just crawling and turning and tossing on my bed..and finally end up crying myself to sleep...still..mission incomplete.

Thank God i only had one class today..plus..i had a very nice and laid-back lunch with Clare..just talking about schools, jobs, money, partey, future, n problems..Speaking about problems..i cant help myself but to hold my tears from dropping..

I just cant stand it everytime mum talks to me about her problems..not that i dont care..but tis just too heartbreaking for me..Every time mum talks about how hard it is for us n especially for her to keep pur family every month..i feel theres a big hole inside my heart..i look into my mum's eyes and i can see her pain..her sacrifices..

I know how much mum miss daddy so much..i can actually every little pain that cost her..And i feel really really bad to be part of this family but theres nothing i can do..Sometimes i feel like giving everything up..quit everything n started looking for money to help the burden of my family...yet...this is not the only way...i dont wanna think short n take my future very lightly..

my mum didnt issue every cash for our education..just to see myself end up quitting every single things that mum had invest for me..How i wish mum know how much i really care about this family..how much i really love her even though i seldom show that i care..how much i really get affected about the situation that we livin in now.

Being a very rebellious daughter, i often hide my feeling from mum. i wont let her know that i am sad..or when im in trouble or facing problems..i never let her know that im in my wits end..

For now..the only thing i can do is just..patient n to be grateful..another three weeks n im done with study..i had few plans in my minds..whether to continue my study..or started looking for jobs...

till then..thats the only thing i can do..

With lots of love n respect..
Vale.

i have sleeping issues.U just like a pill..cherry cherry boom boom.

FYI, I jsut finished chatting with an old friend of mine.."an OLD FRIEND"..*doing the double-peace thingy*..

Literally..
this girl is the one who...erm..
ok la..malas mo ckp byk kan..
im fine..i just don't understand why..
moments after we finished chatting..
i realize that i dont have to help her at all..

Me, myself is full of mess..
and there i am trying to help her solving her problems?
Plus..she is the one who...
ermm..

fine la..
bagus p cari kegembiraan..
ada kehidupan lagi..
hehe.


Jom main Left4dead?