Im not coming back.

i cant think of any suitable title for this post..Its a bit cliche for me..



Suddenly feels the emptiness inside my heart..here i go again..opening the wound when its healing slowly..Tonight is different with every night that i went through..Feeling the loneliness surround my heart..Perhaps im just starting to miss u,again. Could it be wrong, could it be right? If its right then i shouldnt having the guilty pleasure of missing you. If its wrong, then it wud be the greatest sin ive ever done.



Im going way out of my mind lately..Trying to search for hidden strenght in me to move on..What a terrible moment to go thru. As for now, i miss having someone in my life. Not just as a usual friend..But that someone that i can share everything with..the one where i can turn to when im feeling down..someone that can hug me and wipe my tears when i cry..



life-oh-life..i used to enjoy being alone..guess its not fun anymore now..



Im not supposed to say this, but i miss you..deeply.

Yuan Lai

So, I discovered something and then i realized that girls are not for collection and totally not for subtitute love.

Save You

Take a breath

I pull myself together

Just another step until I reach the door

You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you

I wish that I could tell you something

To take it all away
When I hear your voice

It's drowning into whispers

It's just skin and bones

There's nothing left to take

No matter what I do

I can't make you feel better

If only I could find the answer

To help me understand
Sometimes I wish I could save you

And there're so many things that I want you to know

I wont give up till it's over

If it takes you forever

I want you to know
That if you fall, stumble down

I'll pick you up off the ground

If you lose faith in you

I'll give you strength to pull through

Tell me you won't give up cause

I'll be waiting if you fall

you know I'll be there for you

Whats in my mind lately.

Its been a week now and i cant say myself been better..the reason is because its still on and off..The 'on' moment is the hardest moment to go through..feels like im falling into a deep ocean and cant get myself up..struggling and battling for air to breath..

Few night since,been spending my time gazing through the sky or just lay on my bed with an empty heart. I never thought it could be dis hurt to lose someone. But everytime im feeling down, i just remind myself to be grateful. Because i really believe some peole are way more miserable than me.

I dont know how it feels like to be happy anymore..yes..i miss being happy and i miss hearing myself laugh..Its hard to have a real smile these days.

tell myself not to hope anymore because seems he moves on so far that its hard for me to catch him. Things wont change.

Lately, so easy for the tears to burst out.

just let me cry fer awhile.

Dun really have the idea to write actually..

have a nice day everyone..

Superhuman

Blogging is not just a matter of writing for me..
its more like a therapy for me..
for me, writing makes me feel better in certain point of view..
Im not really good in expressing my emotion verbally...
so, when i feel sad, i prefer to write it down..
it gives me more time to think and actually be more rational in conclude things..

For me, writing is a subtitute for crying..
it is my platform to let my emotion goes away..
as soon as i finished jotting down whats in my heart..
its like im seeing myself in a bigger picture..
and be able to react properly to it..

When u get to see urself clearer..
it actually generates ur brain to be mature in handling issues in ur life..

Anyhoo..My favourite song for the time being is Superhuman. Makes me calm.

No words.Just pictures today.

Suddenly missing the old days.

here's are several picture that remind me of

the good old days when im still sober.

*sigh*

this feeling keep on and off..I just dunno how to describe how i feel right now..Keep telling myself to let it go, but it never been easier..

i feel like everyday is a challenge for me..to forget somebody u used to love is not easy..there will never be a best word to describe this feeling, only i knew..

Just needed to keep myself busy..to avoid myself from thingking too much..

I lay on my bed and close my eyes..i open my eyes again and turn right..and then left again..on and on again..i wake up..and go to my parent's bedroom..both of them having a really great sleep..i touch my dad's head and kiss him on the forehead..

i look out the window, its full moon and it shines so bright..i go to the living room and hug my little cousin and my brother. .No explanation for my action..everything just happen spontaneously..

i feel like a different person lately..

Gratefulness

Why aa?
why do peoples..people like us never really appreciates...or in other words..be grateful for what we have in our life right now..we always complaining about stuff we never get..or complaning about a bad day..wining about being bored *when there still many things to do*..wining about overprotective parents..and so on..

There is always a thing called P.L.E.A.S.U.R.E. in everyones life..needed to be satisfied. Peoples doing whatever it takes to fulfilled every desire that comes to mind that sometimes they dont realize they are chasing after a wrong goal in life. To have determination and enthusiasm in life is good, but dat kind of attitude should be located in the right path to make sure that it is chasing after a right goal.

I hate myself when i wake up today..because i feel so ungrateful..I hate to feel boredomness..But in the other round..there are still many things i can do..the thing is, i keep on counting days so that it feels like the time is passing by so fast. I never really think, not even a minutes..*at least i do now*..kids and teenagers in on-war country...wat do they feel right now, keep on counting days for a better living..waiting for better days..hoping and praying for someone to safe them..while me?in the house, in my own room, with my laptop..i have my bed and everything..but still complaing about how pathetic my life now..

well is not funny anymore now huh..i had everything dat every teenagers want. What more? I hope i can knock some senses in other teens head too. I feel so guilty..to God..because i never appreciate things and people around me before..

Obviously..people will never realise they actually have a good life until they lose someone they really love..that is all God's will..

Never been easier for me.

im not..not sure..not too sure how it feels..to handle it everyday.