Im not coming back.

i cant think of any suitable title for this post..Its a bit cliche for me..



Suddenly feels the emptiness inside my heart..here i go again..opening the wound when its healing slowly..Tonight is different with every night that i went through..Feeling the loneliness surround my heart..Perhaps im just starting to miss u,again. Could it be wrong, could it be right? If its right then i shouldnt having the guilty pleasure of missing you. If its wrong, then it wud be the greatest sin ive ever done.



Im going way out of my mind lately..Trying to search for hidden strenght in me to move on..What a terrible moment to go thru. As for now, i miss having someone in my life. Not just as a usual friend..But that someone that i can share everything with..the one where i can turn to when im feeling down..someone that can hug me and wipe my tears when i cry..



life-oh-life..i used to enjoy being alone..guess its not fun anymore now..



Im not supposed to say this, but i miss you..deeply.

Yuan Lai

So, I discovered something and then i realized that girls are not for collection and totally not for subtitute love.

Save You

Take a breath

I pull myself together

Just another step until I reach the door

You'll never know the way it tears me up inside to see you

I wish that I could tell you something

To take it all away
When I hear your voice

It's drowning into whispers

It's just skin and bones

There's nothing left to take

No matter what I do

I can't make you feel better

If only I could find the answer

To help me understand
Sometimes I wish I could save you

And there're so many things that I want you to know

I wont give up till it's over

If it takes you forever

I want you to know
That if you fall, stumble down

I'll pick you up off the ground

If you lose faith in you

I'll give you strength to pull through

Tell me you won't give up cause

I'll be waiting if you fall

you know I'll be there for you

Whats in my mind lately.

Its been a week now and i cant say myself been better..the reason is because its still on and off..The 'on' moment is the hardest moment to go through..feels like im falling into a deep ocean and cant get myself up..struggling and battling for air to breath..

Few night since,been spending my time gazing through the sky or just lay on my bed with an empty heart. I never thought it could be dis hurt to lose someone. But everytime im feeling down, i just remind myself to be grateful. Because i really believe some peole are way more miserable than me.

I dont know how it feels like to be happy anymore..yes..i miss being happy and i miss hearing myself laugh..Its hard to have a real smile these days.

tell myself not to hope anymore because seems he moves on so far that its hard for me to catch him. Things wont change.

Lately, so easy for the tears to burst out.

just let me cry fer awhile.

Dun really have the idea to write actually..

have a nice day everyone..

Superhuman

Blogging is not just a matter of writing for me..
its more like a therapy for me..
for me, writing makes me feel better in certain point of view..
Im not really good in expressing my emotion verbally...
so, when i feel sad, i prefer to write it down..
it gives me more time to think and actually be more rational in conclude things..

For me, writing is a subtitute for crying..
it is my platform to let my emotion goes away..
as soon as i finished jotting down whats in my heart..
its like im seeing myself in a bigger picture..
and be able to react properly to it..

When u get to see urself clearer..
it actually generates ur brain to be mature in handling issues in ur life..

Anyhoo..My favourite song for the time being is Superhuman. Makes me calm.

No words.Just pictures today.

Suddenly missing the old days.

here's are several picture that remind me of

the good old days when im still sober.

*sigh*

this feeling keep on and off..I just dunno how to describe how i feel right now..Keep telling myself to let it go, but it never been easier..

i feel like everyday is a challenge for me..to forget somebody u used to love is not easy..there will never be a best word to describe this feeling, only i knew..

Just needed to keep myself busy..to avoid myself from thingking too much..

I lay on my bed and close my eyes..i open my eyes again and turn right..and then left again..on and on again..i wake up..and go to my parent's bedroom..both of them having a really great sleep..i touch my dad's head and kiss him on the forehead..

i look out the window, its full moon and it shines so bright..i go to the living room and hug my little cousin and my brother. .No explanation for my action..everything just happen spontaneously..

i feel like a different person lately..

Gratefulness

Why aa?
why do peoples..people like us never really appreciates...or in other words..be grateful for what we have in our life right now..we always complaining about stuff we never get..or complaning about a bad day..wining about being bored *when there still many things to do*..wining about overprotective parents..and so on..

There is always a thing called P.L.E.A.S.U.R.E. in everyones life..needed to be satisfied. Peoples doing whatever it takes to fulfilled every desire that comes to mind that sometimes they dont realize they are chasing after a wrong goal in life. To have determination and enthusiasm in life is good, but dat kind of attitude should be located in the right path to make sure that it is chasing after a right goal.

I hate myself when i wake up today..because i feel so ungrateful..I hate to feel boredomness..But in the other round..there are still many things i can do..the thing is, i keep on counting days so that it feels like the time is passing by so fast. I never really think, not even a minutes..*at least i do now*..kids and teenagers in on-war country...wat do they feel right now, keep on counting days for a better living..waiting for better days..hoping and praying for someone to safe them..while me?in the house, in my own room, with my laptop..i have my bed and everything..but still complaing about how pathetic my life now..

well is not funny anymore now huh..i had everything dat every teenagers want. What more? I hope i can knock some senses in other teens head too. I feel so guilty..to God..because i never appreciate things and people around me before..

Obviously..people will never realise they actually have a good life until they lose someone they really love..that is all God's will..

Never been easier for me.

im not..not sure..not too sure how it feels..to handle it everyday.

Whats the story...morning glory~

yea...Morning..whatever~

I had the weirdest dream last night..i cant believe i had a superpower in my dream..u know..the one who dont realise that she was born gifted and suddenly she realise she can fly????yup,dats my dream.

This is how my dream goes..

I had to stay up that night because i had a Test on i-dont-know what subject it is,tommorrow..*and the teacher who taught that subject is my primary school teacher, Mrs Wong...WTF?* So, while i was planning to stay up all night, i ended up not studying, infact i was doing nothing and just 'belegar-legar-ing' in my room..and u know what..there was actually a man inside my room but i dont know who..but he was sleeping..on the floor dou..so theres nothing to be suspicious about eyh??haha..And all of a sudden it started to get windy outside..*windy,but in a soft movement,is that the right word to describe a wind??whatever as long as u understand eyh?*i can see all the fallen leaves are flying effortlessly, about 2 feet before it touched the ground.

So, i wake up and suddenly it is oredy the morning after. I noticed theres many people outside my house. FYI, i think i lived somewhere in Thailand in this weird dream. And again, it start to get windy,but this time it is so strong that all the peeps get scared as if they know what and what will happen. My mom*who happen to be an old lady* suddenly handed me a ..*okay,i dont know wat us this thing called, but it is an object that we need to hold when we're flying...i think u get the picture*..and she asked me to fly..i was so shocked i dont even move and just stare at her..

Sick of me i guess, my mom push me from the back and i started running..faster than i ever run in the real life...wahaha..and weeeeeeeeeee~~..im flying yo!I was really freak out i scared my schoolmates will saw me..ekeke..but i remember i was really scared when i was flying, not because im scared of height but as if something is after me..something bad,evil and dark.After a while, i realise im not flying anymore..i was walking at the road and everything seems normal. i try to point the *flying object* up ahead but i cant fly anymore. it really leaves a very deep curiousity in my mind.

And again, i was in a flat i guess with a guy who happen to be my friend but i dont know him in the real life. We was walking down the stairs when suddenly two guys came and hit us. My guy fren try to safe me but realise that i can fly, i jump off from the flat*i was maybe in a 3rd floor or sumthing*..the guy seems to follow me when i jump off. I landed safely ofcourse but the guy died.ahahaha..funny so much..

and..BAM! My dad knocked on my door asked me to buy newspaper..And my dream ended there. I feel so tired when i wake up today..huh..maybe i was using too much of my superpower huh..ahacks!

And btw,

i swear i did not watched any action movies or anything which involved superpowers, before i sleep last night.

okthxbye.

hmm...:-(

I WANT THIS CAMERA SO BAD..UHU UHU UHU..~

I'm Glad..woo-hoo!

Waddup..So..guess what?i didnt go back to my hometown yesterday and spend the whole day ALONE in my house..*girlpower*..hehe..

I admit i do feel bad about not obey-ing my mum but still...its my decision right..Seriously i really do need my time alone in the house..Plus..my mum leaves me with a whole bunch of housework to do..Great!?isnt it?..i gueess dat fair enuf..win-win situation..hehee..

and btw..things just can get any better..coz finally my room are clean..hehe..

okey-dokey dou..gotta go..i need to prepare for dinner..*aww looookkk at herrrr..peace!!*

okthxbye..

and uhm..
suckurdickhead...sorry i swore...*just feeling like it*
hahahaha~

Aku x suka kena paksa.especially kena paksa balik kampung..~

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh~~~~

i dont wanna go back!!!i dont wanna go back!!



and this is the reason why...:-



1. Papar is the boring place ever.

2. Papar has no INTERNET!

3. Everytime we are going to spend a night there,i ended up sleeping on the floor..without no mattress..no blanket either!!!!!

4. And of course..with the possibility of coacroach!and other fucking creepy crawlies with a very thick dust everywhere that give me a bad sinus tomorrow morning.

5. The people there..they speak FLINSTONES language..ya..of course u know wat i mean..



And what else..i cant list any more..Not that i wanna protest..or wanna be such a fugly princess and whatsoever..but please....Give me a break..I need a time on my own..im grown up now..and i have my own priority..Telling me once is enuf..and telling u once is enuf..

*sigh*
I hope im making a point here...

okthxbye..

Another trouble sleeping..Another sleepless night..and another craves..

Goodnight peeps..or shud i say good morning everyone??Well of course u dun have to answer that..im just having a so-called mind test maybe..owh no..im crapping again..dun bother~

Let me remind u that it is now 3.22am and i shud act like a normal human being right?well hell yea..im supposed to be on my bed rite now..To tell u the truth,im on my bed now its just dat i am not sleeping..Y.E.T.

Well who cud i put dis blame on..dis is wat owez happens to me during holidays..feels bored when schools is out and vice versa..yada yada yada..

Lucky for me though..blogging safe me a lot from boredom-ness..kekekeke..and u know wats delightful on dis cold+rainy err...dawn??

*lets start counting..shall we?*

*1..2...3!!!!!!!!!!*

*tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!~*

A BUNCH OF THIS!!

Of course its a DOUBLE CHEESE BURGER

Urggghhhh!!Owez been my fav

Ngeeee..i have to tapun myself as im not getting it right here right now..well at least it making me sleepy..hehe..

Guess i gotta go..really need to sleep now and i'll be back soon..i promise..*peace*

okthxbye.

Coming back fer gud..~

wAzaaaaa~ Feels so freaking out to start blogging again..hehe..ive cancelled all my post the past fem months..and just blogging thru dat pathetic FS blog..hehe..

Anyhoooo..been missing dis imaginary fren i guess so i decide to start it all over again..afterall..blogging is still my greatest therapist..E.V.E.R!!!!~*tongues out*

Today is just the same day that i been thru everyday..its my routine and im starting to get bored of it..am looking forward on something new..and fresh to stay alive and maintaining my weirdness..hehehe..sorry im just talking bullshit..

I dont have much to bitch abt in dis 1st post..Just wanna give some energy on it..

okay okay..hohoho~

see u guys all soon..

okthxbye..