One last Breath

So....

It has been like...ermm... one-hell-of-a-nicotine-free-week for me..And I feel bloody heavier than before..

Some of u will not know but i decided to quit smoking..yea..finally quitting smoking for good..There is no specific reasons why..I just got this sudden wake up call n realize that i wanna live longer..Even though i know that death lies in God's hand but then at least i get rid of one of the reason of getting one step closer to...u-know-what..

*i feel like i'm using too much 'of' in my last sentences.

I tell you what..I feel horrible..Being in a circle of friends where most of them are heavy-smokers..i gotta admit sometimes i do feel tempted..Every time when their smokes are passing thru me, i feel like taking a puff..my mouth starting to get so watery and the next thing i know..the temptation is getting out of hand..If I was to explained how I really want to smoke so bad that time, its like..erm..craving for ur favorite food..Its so addictive..Its like porn, but much better.

*my last line was a metaphor.

But even so, i'm glad because I get to hold those shitty temptation and finally forget about it..I'm trying my best here because I just can't take sickness anymore..I fell sick almost 6 times in the past 6 months, isn't that bullshit? As bad as i wanted to smoke again, I keep on reminding myself about my sickness..And most importantly, if i'm back to my smoking habit again, i doubt myself in quitting smoking someday in the future..I'm worried that I never felt the intention to stop anymore..True that.

" Dear Lord, i know i bailed out our date every Sunday and I admit that i only come to you when i really2 need you, or when 'im in trouble..but this time, i need Your help, I need extra inner strength to fight those Russian spy..You know, like in the moofie Salt?No ba, I need strength to forbid myself from smoking again. I promise i go and visits You more often during Sunday..Tell you the truth, It really matters to me as it really matters to You. Because, i believe in You. Amen."

So here it goes, bring it on...I'm saving my One Last Breath...~

Random: I gave all my lighters to my friends just so that I forget that i was once a heavy-smoker. Its so hard ok, believe me..it sucks when u trying to reach ur phone in ur handbag and all u get to touched were..lighters. FYI, I got 7 lighters in my handbag. What say you?

I gave away the Purple lighter to Yuq, it is the most precious lighter of mine because it has my favorite color..and the rest went home with Chester.

* Sigh*

Heart-Shaped box

" Your face brings me death everyday, and everyday I cannot wait to die."

:)

My sleepless night and my 3.23 am entry.

Current song: Katherine Mcphee- Terrified.

Waddup peoples, I am still in sick mode..but the gewd news is..those Ventolin 4mg finally smoothen my breathing..I cough less now..just a bit flu and minor fever..

I went to the moofie today with Afiq and Vitalis..yada yada..I just can't stand staying indoors..We watched the Sorcerer's Apprentice which is superbly nice..*thumbs up*..

Do you really believes in magic????As for me, I can't help but to wonder about it. But personally, i think it still God who makes everything works, no?

I try to imagine how life could be if people can simply uses magic against each other, uses magic to solve problems, depending on magic to continue living..wooot~Somewhere along the line, i do wish I have those magic just so that i can stop worrying about every inch of my problems, how i wish those money just flow every time i open the pipe..in your dream vale..in your dream..

Current song: Jason Derulo- Fallen

But hey, if magic really does exist, I think people will just stop believing in themselves and they wouldn't know how to appreciate life..Reality check is, theres no short-cuts in happiness..And that all the problems ure facing will make u a stronger person in the future..*cheers to life experiences*..

I can't really say that I am living a good life right now, im still living in a mess, still struggling with problems and issues, still battling with few confrontations..But..Im just glad that im surrounded with beautiful and incredible peoples all around me..Those people who makes me smile even when I feel like im at my wits end..of course i never really share about my problems with peoples, but just when i pull out the chair and sit with them..All those shits just swept away..Those peoples are my friends.

Current song: One Republic- Secret.

Sometimes, I just don't care about myself and let my friends have their moments. People said its not a good thing to put others beyond my own as a priority..But the truth is, seeing all those peoples I love and care about happy, IS my happiness.

Some random reality check:

"Money can't buy you love, but you need money when your loved ones are sick." - Saw this in my friend's status and I just go.."yaaaakannnn?"

Its really late and i need to take my meds.

Till next time~

Gasping.

I am currently suffering from chest-pain, short-breathing and bad hard cough. If this isn't clear enough..it calls asthma attack.

dammit, i shud have known it is coming this morning when i feel uncomfy-ness in my chest..but que sera sera..so kadau-tuluh i am still sucking on nicotine..and now..i feel like my lungs bleed everytime I started to cough. Enough said.

I haven't been visiting my blog much these days..and since i'm too weak due to 4mg of Ventolin n Ventolin syrup..My hands are now shaky and because of that..im in no mood of sentencing a proper sentences...

1. Just as I expected, im running out of money, Again. But still, i always believes that money comes and go..so just let it flow..

2. I need to handle two projects for this semester, Our Sales Carnival and BBA Marketing Family Day in Tenom...

3.What is Managerial Economy?

4.I love my new fren Yuq.

5.Chester is like a brother and greatest guy friend to me. I love him too.

6. I like having Emma around because she can be a big sister and a little sister to me..all at the same time. How unique is that?And yes, of course I love her.

7. Rosha is very fun to be with because of her open-minded and understanding personality...She's cool!

8. I love to be friend with Daniel because of her protective sense and...hell yeah, he's a funny creature.

9.I like to hangout with Anyoi because we pretty much got the same interest and i like to bully him.hah!

10. Muhid is a really really really good fren. Full stop.

Last but not least, some random thoughts.

" The reason why men cheats is because there are so many women out there willing to cheat with." - Act like a lady, Think like a man. Still my very favorite book. *wlpn blum habis baca*

mutuality.

So, i was blog surfing and coincidently read these 2 blog posts that somewhat sends the same messages. Blogger's identity not included..hehe..

Mana la tau got some feminists want to antam them...ohohoho..

These bloggers do have some good point actually. AND should be read by us girls. As for early warning, memang will feel a bit geram( i still dunno how to explain GERAM in english) also la with the guys. Thats why I think we should read on..u know what i mean? Because i strongly thinks it can be applied to both genders...Female and male..

• Gentlemen A post.

There will come a time in a man's life when we need to be serious in a relationship. But that does not mean you need to submit to the ways of a dominants and controlling woman, and have your tail caught between your legs.

If going for a beer, or some trivial excursion requires her permission, You're on a short leash. Your bossy girlfriends thinks that this is a NO-NO. Suddenly, you just cant pop into a club for quick booze at the end of the day without facing loads of rubbish questions and harassment. That makes you stop doing it. Don't give in to her and let her control you.

Sharing e-mail account and passwords is insane! I used to inadvertently share my password with my ex- girlfriend that was a major mistakes because you suffer a lot of independence. I changed my password, she asked, and I asked her to fuck off and give me my privacy. I subsequently dumped her.

It's a definite sign that you're on a leash when you get some piece of news(good or bad) and your thoughts immediately turns to how she will responds once she hears it. Thoughts start running through your head and you brace yourself for her dramatic accusation and moaning. Get her a dog for Christmas and let her channel her drama towards it.

You used to get calls and texts from friends wondering about your plans. Now, its no longer the case, everyones stop contacting you, assuming that you're keep under lock and key all weekend, and they finally givin up on you. Bullshit to that. Just keep this going. They're your friends and if your woman thinks that your intention is to bang all female friends you come in contact with, dump your girlfriend. She got issues.

My saying:

You don't have to ask her permission to live your life. TELL her but don't ask her permission. Always defend your rights and dignity from the start. Talk things over, make some deals and the most importantly, give and take. If she continue, break up with her or your life will be ruined.

• Gentlemen B post.

If your whole life revolves around your significant other, you have to rethink your priorities. If a guy/girl comes into your life and turns it around, what does that say about your life? Does that mean it was empty and meaningless before she came into your life? If your answer is yes, there might be something wrong with you.

I had a friend who asked his girlfriends to run away from home. He said he'll take care of her and pay for her college tuition fees. All this when he's only 21 years old. Man, he couldn't even keep a steady job for a month! Fortunately, the girl wasn't stupid enough to believe him and she broke up with him a month later.

Or another one where he used to say ''I will love you forever'' and go totally broke buying stuffs for his girlfriends. All with his parents money!

Or the one who said ''My life is meaningless'' after his girlfriends left him. The he found another one and said the same thing. Get a fucking clue.

Anyways, my point is, if you can't take care of yourself, how can you take care of somebody else?

A girl ain't gonna fix your problems and sure she ain't gonna rely on you for security if you;re not independent( emotionally or financially). Somewhere along the line, a whole generations of guys have lost their balls and turned into so called " sensitive new age guys". I have the right to call them that because I used to be one.

Its true. I used to be needy, jealous, self- sympathizing, emotional black-hole of a person. Some of my ex- girlfriend can relate to that, and boy did I gave them shit. I'm so sorry about that and you girls would be so proud that I grew out of that teenage angst. I'm definitely in a happier place right now.

In fact, I am more selfish these days. Apparently, girls like a little backbone in their man!

What I learned over the years is that, you have to fix your own problems first, thinks about your future and focus on what make you happy. The center of your life is you, not your religion, not your jobs, not your computer games, not your possessions and certainly not your significant other. Hard to accept, but it's true. None of these things will fix you if you don't want to fix yourself.

Which bring me to the lesson no 2 of the manifesto.

2. The center of universe is yourself.

*** THE END***

HMMMM..INDEED!

All ladies out there should do the SAME..

that's what I think..

NOBODY owns NOBODY..

..sPREAD YOUR WINGS AND FLY..

..specially dedicated to all the ladies and friends who are going through that caged feelings.

You have a choice.