One last Breath

So....

It has been like...ermm... one-hell-of-a-nicotine-free-week for me..And I feel bloody heavier than before..

Some of u will not know but i decided to quit smoking..yea..finally quitting smoking for good..There is no specific reasons why..I just got this sudden wake up call n realize that i wanna live longer..Even though i know that death lies in God's hand but then at least i get rid of one of the reason of getting one step closer to...u-know-what..

*i feel like i'm using too much 'of' in my last sentences.

I tell you what..I feel horrible..Being in a circle of friends where most of them are heavy-smokers..i gotta admit sometimes i do feel tempted..Every time when their smokes are passing thru me, i feel like taking a puff..my mouth starting to get so watery and the next thing i know..the temptation is getting out of hand..If I was to explained how I really want to smoke so bad that time, its like..erm..craving for ur favorite food..Its so addictive..Its like porn, but much better.

*my last line was a metaphor.

But even so, i'm glad because I get to hold those shitty temptation and finally forget about it..I'm trying my best here because I just can't take sickness anymore..I fell sick almost 6 times in the past 6 months, isn't that bullshit? As bad as i wanted to smoke again, I keep on reminding myself about my sickness..And most importantly, if i'm back to my smoking habit again, i doubt myself in quitting smoking someday in the future..I'm worried that I never felt the intention to stop anymore..True that.

" Dear Lord, i know i bailed out our date every Sunday and I admit that i only come to you when i really2 need you, or when 'im in trouble..but this time, i need Your help, I need extra inner strength to fight those Russian spy..You know, like in the moofie Salt?No ba, I need strength to forbid myself from smoking again. I promise i go and visits You more often during Sunday..Tell you the truth, It really matters to me as it really matters to You. Because, i believe in You. Amen."

So here it goes, bring it on...I'm saving my One Last Breath...~

Random: I gave all my lighters to my friends just so that I forget that i was once a heavy-smoker. Its so hard ok, believe me..it sucks when u trying to reach ur phone in ur handbag and all u get to touched were..lighters. FYI, I got 7 lighters in my handbag. What say you?

I gave away the Purple lighter to Yuq, it is the most precious lighter of mine because it has my favorite color..and the rest went home with Chester.

* Sigh*