Wake up call.

All of a sudden im having a wake up call..Well its not about any typical calling like " Oh i shud be a bulimic in order to be skinny" or " i need to get laid to fit in the trend nowdays.."..Whats been bothering me is.."How would i feel when im old?"

So, to start with this post, my aunt actually gave my mum a call this afternoon.Saying that my grandmother suddenly called her, crying, and telling her that she misses all of us a lot..

Need me to say more?i guess not.

I feel so friggin guilty as shit right now for knowing that. It must be hard to be in grandma shoes. Living with her husband and son theres not much attention givin to her. Theres no women-to-women talk goin on for her. Theres no happy laughter and jokes around...Damn..imagine what it feels like to live like that.

Im the type of girl who cant stand boredomness. Cant stand spending the whole day at home and cant stand loneliness. But when i heard about what grandma has gone thru..i feel so useless. I feel so pity to grandma for seldom go back there to visit her. I feel so sad that she had to go thru that.. To be honest with u. i just cant stand seeing people crying especially children and old-folks.

The thing is, we should really appreciate our grannys eventhough theres not much we can share with them. Im just saying that they are human being too. They need attention and love. especially in their range of age.. They tend to be a bit emotional and sensitives. For real i dont wanna go thru it when im old. I wanna be with my children and grandchildren.

As guilt as i feel, i decided to go back to visit grandma after class tomorrow.I promise.

Wipe ur tears Ma..Im going home.*smile*

The one and only..plus the significant other..

Ever imagine what it feels like to have two boyfriend at the same time?..well..This is not actually about me but just now, i was at the kitchen before Theywekukui and Yanie left few missedcalls on my mobile..

Reminder: I am more into direct call than texting because obviously direct call is way more time-saving than texting..

So, i called Theywekukui to know the 'whats and abouts'. I was kinda curious at first because Theywekukui sounds like she got stranded in a deserted island where there got many mankind with sagging cocks trying to get her for dinner..hoho..okay..im being quite imaginative here..what i mean is Theywekukui sounds so panic-at-the-disco..as if shes into sumthing really bad..

Then, she told me that Yanie just called her and said that she is having a so-called triangle confrontation between her and two of her man and that two boys is really giving her a pain in the ass..She was crying when she called Theywekukui and the only 411 that really got me when she said the two boys are fighting..im not sure if the fights was just a 'mouth battle' or the real 'man-to-man fight'. Forget about the boys, wat im worried most is about Yanie so i decided to call her up to see if shes okay. She is still crying but is getting better. Appearantly, one of the boy took off and left her with the other one. I dont know what exactly is happening but i asked her to give me a call if she need me.


Haaa...to be honest with you, i ever experienced this and mine is more dramatic one..hoho..im not exposing my private life, its just that..some of my past can really be a guideline or maybe a lesson to womens outhere who might just wanna have some fun but end up being caught in the middle.


Love..Love is a silly game. Its okay to fall in love and do stupid things once in a while but love can also leave a bad scar to your life. Love can changed ones life in just a prick of finger. Of course its the best feeling when we fall in love..Wake up in the morning with their messages already in ur inbox saying Good Morning..the one who wishes u the sweetest goodnight greetings ever..the one who called u Baby..who called u sayang, who called u Love..and so so la..But, in the other way round, love start to give heartache when one of them is messing around..when betrayal is done, when theres no chemistry anymore..and couples end up fightings and arguing over small things and eventually, both of them gives uo and started haitng each other..


Im not saying that i can really handle love..believe me, my love life sucks..BIG-TIME. But i live and i learnt thru it. Love and relationship need to synchronise with each other. You realised you had a true love when u certainly feels that u are really giving up Rebound and decided to be serious and commit to ur relationship. Love is for a long term journey..not for fooling around..


hoho..this is a pretty long rant already..i think i better stop..owww yup..


The time now is 8.30pm and because i support the EARTH HOUR. Hell to the yeah im turning my lights off..Lets help the earth from global warming yo..hehe..

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical subtances: If there is any reaction, both are transformed." - Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)

"Just because you love someone, doesnt mean you have be involved with them. Love is not a bandage to cover wound." - Huge Elliot.

"Never say u are deeply in love when u are not certain with the flow itselfs." - Vale.

Just one of those moments..

Its been quite a while i havent blog here..Just posting through my FS blog only..

So where should i start?hmm..i have no idea..I just feel like writing and hopefully i'll get inspired to write by singing the song Dead and Gone?Because that song has the exact intrepetation about my life right now..Ive been spending much time thinking lately..Thinking of how to obtain survival.Thinking of "oh lately its so quite".Thinking of how to make myself happy..

Things just doenst go well for me these days..I have a broken car..i have an empty wallets..I hvae a cold and quite house..i have a sorrow heart..and i feel lonely as hell..Sometimes i reach to the point where i feel like i hate myself. For being weak and fragile. Its been a long time and i should move on now..be strong already..

Heres the thing..when uve been spending time with friends and family..everything went well and u feel like u finally get to over it already..But when everybody else is busy with their own agenda..and when u and ur family members are not talking for the time being, and for whatever fucking reason, u started to feel weak again..its just feel like u are down again..

Im not saying that i am too depending..depending on others to make me happy, to fill my incomplete and so on..I just feel like im missing a lot in life and thers nobody to talk to. and there i realize that i dont have many mutual friends like i thought i have. I hate it when the loneliness start to creep into my life..I feel small again..

Im experiencing ups and down..And i keep pretending that im okay..acting like everything was fine..I just dont want anybody saw me crying..its not my style to cry..But sumtimes it hurts so bad i really need a flow..on my own..

i pray for happiness to come..i dont want to cry anymore..

The Phlegmatic Sanguine

I was browsing thru the net and did a personality test..Nothing in purpose..Just boreddddd~After ive done my personality test, I was said that im a PHLEGMATIC SANGUINE..I dont quite get wat does it mean..so, a fren of mine help me to find the real explanation for The Phlegmatic Sanguine..

So, here it goes..

The Phlegmatic / Sanguine

If you are a phlegmatic-sanguine, your phlegmatic side will dominate. This will result in a greater tendency to introversion (though still less than a melancholic’s or pure phlegmatic’s). You are congenial and cooperative and get along well with most everyone. Because of your emphasis on harmony in relationships, you are peace-loving, conservative, well-balanced, easy-going, with a dry wit and a talent for bringing people together. As an employee, you are compliant, dutiful, orderly, and subdued (and probably were as a child too). Others may not realize that you have a sanguine side -- at first. It may take a little longer for you to make close friends (because you do not reveal your feelings or thoughts as readily as the more extraverted sanguine-phlegmatic), but once you do, your sanguine nature can assert itself. It will also show up when, for example, you have been so dutiful and compliant about work or school that finally you need to relax and unwind — and now the sanguine, fun-loving side comes out. Or, when you are hanging out with your closest friends.

You are very thoughtful of others, with a knack for empathically putting yourself in other people’s shoes, and value peace and harmony at all times. You also have a great sense of humor and an easy-going manner that makes you a valued friend. You are discouraged by criticism or negativity and need acceptance, support and cooperation in your personal life. You can be deeply wounded by sarcasm, harsh criticism, and anger when it is directed at you. You will not, however, directly fight back but prefer to “turn the other cheek” or redouble your efforts to please.
Phlegmatic-sanguines tend to prefer movies, concerts, or other forms of relaxation that are a bit more spectator-oriented. When they attend parties, they tend to prefer smaller groups, rather than the large social gatherings a pure sanguine enjoys. Like sanguine-phlegmatics, they are very attentive to relationships, to harmony among people. They have deep feelings, hate negative criticism, and become discouraged by negativity in those around them. They are strongly tempted to repress their own wishes in order to preserve peace in a relationship. A stressful situation (especially one that is interpersonally demanding) may cause the peaceful phlegmatic-sanguine to withdraw into solitary television watching, playing computer games, eating or sleeping, instead of directly expressing their negative feelings.

A danger for the phlegmatic-sanguine is to be satisfied with achieving less than what he is capable of -- whether because he tends not to plan for the future or because the more challenging goals seem to be “too much trouble.” A phlegmatic-sanguine will be strongly tempted to quit if he doesn’t think the end product is worth the effort or if he fears he won’t succeed. Perhaps the most besetting difficulties for this temperament mixture are the natural inclination to peace and quiet (tempting one to laziness), a preference to live within the moment (superficiality), and a tendency to make decisions based first on the desire to please someone else or to restore harmony.

In a relationship, the phlegmatic-sanguine is true-blue. He is likely to be a great listener, is willing to put others first, and has excellent mediatory skills. You are a supportive friend and a cooperative employee; however, this can cause you to say “yes” to demands of friends or colleagues, without first analyzing whether this choice is actually the best choice to make. At times, wanting to either please your good friends or avoid conflict either at home or at work, you may “go with the flow” when in fact a strong stance is necessary. Or, you may avoid a more demanding task or career move in order to maintain harmony and stability. If you find yourself “stuck in a rut” or avoiding making the extra effort required to make an important change, take time out to analyze your goals for the future, realign your priorities to reflect your values and, if necessary, seek spiritual direction to ensure that your values are aligned with God’s will for you.
If your temperament is phlegmatic-sanguine, for a better understanding of your temperament it is recommended that you read the full descriptions of the phlegmatic and sanguine.

yada..yada..yada..~

How i wish..

I listen to my mum's wining again today..hmm..perhaps im not gonna say it as whining..its more like an emotional talk to be precise..

Its funny when we can handle other people's problem easily but when it comes to my mum..i goes tongue tied..I dont know how to console her..

I have no idea how to make her happy..Deep down inside me, how i wish i can push away all the burden u carry mum. How i wish i can wipe all the tears u shed when i accidently saw u crying in ur room..God knows how i felt to see u like that..Im sorry mum..Im sorry coz theres nothing i can do..im sorry for not able to lighten ur burden..i feel so useless because we are so close to each other yet theres nothing i can help..

I know its been hard for u since the day it happens to daddy..Feels like running away..running away to return with the best outcome..but how can i leave mum..Home is where my heart is..

The past few days, i was wondering what took you so long to change in ur bedroom..so,i opened the door a little and i saw u kneel down on ur knees and pray..Oh God...I turn my face away because i cant stand looking at your sadness mum..

mUM..i may not be the perfect daughter u always wanted me to be..But..i really love our family and theres so much effort i put thru it..Im going to achieve sumthing mum..Keep my words.

I have to..

*Sigh*

Hey peeps..Another tiring day..
I just reached home and directly clean the house as i already promise my mum to do so..
aFter all i had done, Now is the time for me to relax..
Appearantly, I cANt relax and thats why im here..posting a new entry..hehehe..

Its Theywekukui bday today..She entering 21 now ans still..she looks like a 16..haha..
Whatever it is..age is just a number ba jo...hehehe...

i wasnt tols that my class was canceled today, and i only knew about it when one of my classmates called me, because she saw me walking quickly from the student's parking lot, towards the classroom..At that time, i was trying to escape from all the Pak Guard as i was wearing a tight short sleeves t-shirt, a torn jeans and a slipper..sHouldnt have wire it, what to do,,i wake up late today..thats..

So, we went to the city to celebrate kukui's bday..Went for lunch 1st at Nelta and the cost is so damn expensive..As far as im concerned, the only foods that i ate was a piece of chicken, an egg, rice, and Telur masin..my drink was Milo ping and overall it cost me rm7.20...heran???

After that, went around cp just to window shopping and suddenly, a guy approache and gave me a flyears..*he only gave it to me and not to other girls...*..My face turn red as soon as i red the big Font of the flyers..ciz it says "Ingin menguruskan badan dengan berkesan???"...dayemmmmm..wat a turn off..no wonder no guy trys to flirt with me..it because im fat!!1buek buek...

okay..i know ive gain a lot for this past few few months..i need to lose weight and i need to tone my body..Just a matter of this shitty mindset...

All i can say is, today was really fun..for all the laughter, chats, awefullness, and all the crappy talking..it really make our day..

i told ya...My friend is the best...hehe..

Gotta go to take my shower..im up to my study after this.

chowww...mmuah..

Good Morning fellas~

It feels kinda weird to wake up so early suddenly..Perhaps something good is going to happen..YA RIGHT!..

So, i just arrived from sending my mum to office because my car stills in 'rehab' and yup..i have to have a doube proffesion for the time being..Student and Driver...and yup..Housewife too..

Im supposed to have my Lending Test today at 2pm but for an unacceptable reason, i left my notes at hostel..great..Now how on earth shud i answer my test..errgghh...This is me, careless and unacceptable sumtimes..Im becoming 21 and still i cant handle things properly..i mean..of course i can handle things...just that im sick of lossing things and missing it and forgetting..eghhh..This is the outcome when we dont organized...bla bla bla...

I know i know..im a last minute person, but i always managed things on time wat..well for sure the results is not as good as 'if i done it earlier' but still..im working on it ok geng..hehe..

Nothing much to write rite now..i dont know..i just hope i dont lose my inspiration to write..

Gotta go now..chow~