.

Its hard for me to forget and stop loving you without crying..Been crying for almost 2 hours now that I almost lose my breath..If i were a girl with irrational mind..i would have stop my life already. This is where i lose everytime i try to built myself up..I just cant do it without crying.

If only there is an easy way for me to go thru this..Its just hard for me to accept that i would be far from you..not feeling your love anymore..not having you anymore..not seeing you..not hearing from you..Its hurt me bad to leave but I have to do it for myself..either way..its still going to hurt..

Damn...I miss you so much u never know.. if only u knew wat i feel rite now..can u just hug me?just hug me and let me cry..You don't know how much i really need you by my side rite now..

For the record

PEOPLE SHOULD JUST
STOP ACTING LIKE THEY CARE.

I remember.

Its been almost a year since u really left me..

I remember the day u really wanna get rid of me from ur life and ur relationship..I cant help myself but thinking of how am i going to live my life without u. All this while ive been having u as my shoulder. The one who listens and loves me tender. Well im not sure about it now anymore.

I remember the day u say u wanna took care of me..and get rid of all the things that comes between us..but i messed up..someone comes in between and im torn. Having another man in my life at that moment just making my life even worse. Times has fly..now i can really say that i never love the other..Its too bad he just one of those man that im using..to cure my broken heart cause by u..

I remember the day we started clinging..How i wake up every morning listens to ur voice or at least a text saying good morning and have a nice day..At that time, i never thought i would fall so deeply in love with u..At that time, i already had a plan of my own..But suddenly u came and im...

I remember listening to ur problems..sharing ur sadness..and laughter...celebrate ur new life..And i dunno how..i. already in love..with u..

U dont know how i feel to see u leave..honestly yes..u never know wat it feels like to really loss someone because i was always there for u..But u never do the same to me..u love another..and u dismissed me..

I cant explain how..but im still attached to what we been through before...shud i embrace it forever or shud i hate it..because im starting to hate it..im starting to hate our memories..im starting to hate everything that ever happens..but why cant i hate u?u hurt me bad but i still want u..

pls..help me move on..im exhausted..i give up.

Already.

Morning regrets..

The time now is 9.53am and my im officially reporting my location at the moment..Uitm's Library. Frankly calculate, ive been here since 8-ish am something..Im supposed to have class on Statistic at 8am but hell with it..the class was canceled and the moment im informed..i was walking down the hills towards my classroom already...How savvy was that..My friday morning starts with a last minute class cancelation...grrrr....So Lame~

This is how unpredictable my day can be in UITM..being the only girl among my friends who have to extend my course..This semester is really a big challenge for me..Theres no more walkings with my girlfriends..no more gossiping with my classmate..All the time..i will be following the guys just so that i at least have companion..Everytime my lecturer give away 5 or 10 minutes break..the boys will be out to have a foo..and i'll be coming as well just to warm up from the feeling of frozen in class due to the low temperature of aircond demanded by the lecturer..sometimes i wonder if they were humans???????vampire maybe..urgh~

After foo-ing..the guys will usually go to our so-called canteen to fill their hungry stomach..and i will be the most happiest person at that time that i will lead all the boys in front and biting my lips..Are you kidding me???I love this part right here..hehehe...This is the best time to get foods as everybody will be stuck in cass and you wont be standing in a long line..So..overall..from 10minutes break..we end up having 20minutes break..and the moment we step back in class..Our lecturer will give that killer looks..deeply meaning that we are so stupidly late..

So..thats how it goes everyday in UITM..
Boring and Lame..*same thing isn't it*

Okay then..
over and out..

Not again....

I was sitting in front of my lappy when my friend suddenly rang me about new singing audition to be held in town. It calls MyStarz LG audition. Basically, yala..of course la its for LG kan..hmm..and not long after 5 minutes..one of my girlfrens pun suddenly alarmed me abt the audition..They invited me to go audition with them as well...

Geeeezzzz....i just dunno..i dun think i wanna try for another singing audition..i just get enough..maybe i need a little more time in my own for the time being..weeee~For all my friends that plans to go for this audition..Goody Lucky and all the best yaaa....:-)...U guys are all a bunch of talented creature..heheheheh..

A day full of OMG - combo.

I finished my class as early as 10am today. Feelin the crave of the greatest KFC, i called up one of my best buddy Clare and invited her along to have a meal. As we arrived, the parking was overly loaded and i have to parked beside the restaurant which is clearly not a parking lot..wookaaayyy...

*reality check:-

- It is not a parking lot, but people park their car there all the time.
- Traffic officer seldom do a spot check on my area and its like once in a blue moon, they suddenly there..to summons..errghh..~

So yeap..as far as enjoyed my KFC meal this morning..i have to change my mind because im about to puked back my half-ly digested foods inside my stomach once i saw the summons ticket.Blarh!

But they Yang side of my day today was...i got myself a part-time job...yay! So, I sign myself up to become a part-time tutor..im goin to teach English and Bahasa for form 1,2 and 3 students. So what if my paycheck is kinda low..at least i have some pockets money from now on..heee..:-)

btw..Tomorrow is my Marketing class..gonna look drop dead gorgeous just as a payback time..weee~Gotta go look for my killer heels now..

Till Then..Take care folks..
Hugs n Kisses..MMMMUUUAAAAHHHHHHHXXXX!

Okay...ur the boss..

Today is quite a bad day for me..Apart from being given a 3sets of assignments about Malaysian Economy..which require a full research about Industrial Sector in Malaysia..Ive been extremely humiliated by my Marketing Lecturer.

Lect: Are you wearing sandals?
Me: Errr..yes sir.
Lect: Why are you wearing sandals? Where is your heels?*crouching his eyebrow*
Me: Erm..i didn't wear it today.
Lect: Why?
Me: I dunno know im supposed to wear heels for this class..*showing welfare expression*
Lect: Okay..took off your sandals now and bring it in front..u will only be able to collect your sandals when this class dismissed. Class, my rules are my rules. Simple..If u disobey it, its not my problem.
Me:*speechless and slowly placed my sandals in front and get back to my back row seat.. barefoot.*

I feel so terrible and embarrass at the same time..my face turns red even my ears can blow off some smokes..Gezzzz..mannnn...Seriously..none can be worst than this..

Doesnt matter if im wearing my super 5inches heels or wearing my flip flop sandals..it seriously doesnt effect even 0.01% of my attention towards this subject..shit..ive been insulted..in front all the junior students..blarh. I try to cover my legs with my baju kurung towards the whole period and try to stay focus as i dont want to let them know that i am affected by it..but who gives a shit anyway..

Im still sad....:-(
somebody...someone...
pls entertain me....:-(

Im doing it random-ly..

Where have all the good boys gone???????

a Q-kie.

Im sitting on my bed trying to make a good introduction for this post of mine..and after several attempt to figure out the best writing skills, i talk to myself..why am I doing this to myself? I mean, why do I have to even think of the most preferable option to start writing about what im going to express. I dont know..i guess im just being silly and its a total Not-Ok-Material.

So, its Saturday night. Instead of goin out and enjoying my life outside..i rather stay at home and locked myself in the room and get myself on9-ing. I just dont feel like getting high and wasted these days. Last night, i went to meet a friend of mine at Easyway Lintas..we kinda have a nice chit-chat moment..plus its bloody raining outside and its friggin cold..just the way i like it..*wink*

At the same time, Suziey texted me and asked me to join them at Jugs..after catching up with my friend, im off to Jugs and see whats interesting...Apparently, Jugs was still Jugs..and it is not appealing anymore..at least for me..i dont know about them..or maybe im just not in the mood of club-hoping..I only took one glass of mixed tequila that time as i wasnt planned to drink at all..

Feelin the boredomness in Jugs..they decided to move to Razz ma Tazz..Im thinking of going straight back home but they insisted me to drop by...Being the nice-and-sweet-little-Vale..I did. As we entered Razz..it gives me the chills..the memories of me getting my self badly drunk on Odell's birthday...Grrrrr~I only drank 1 glass of Tiger and a glass of Long Island and i must say i was tipsy..Mannnn...im not bluffing and im seriously not being a bitch of saying this..but I can handle Alcohol..i mean..really good. Few glasses is not a problem for me..But i guess im just not in the mood to drink and that explains why.

After about an hour passed..I told Suziey i need to go home because i promised my mum i would be home by 1am..*padahal sengaja mo balik awal ne ba..hehehehe..* So, I did the goodbyes and drove home.Smp ruma ja trus tidur...ZzZzZzZ~Overall.it was just an OK night.

Thats about last night.

This morning i went out breakfast with Faye, my best cuzzy in the world. Gosh..i missed her ne ba..we talked a lot..as usual..and we from certain topics to another topics..hehe..after breakfast..we drop by to his BF home, and Ryan and we decided to go jalan2 at 1B...Anddddddd....

I bump into my ex bf when i was in form 2.Needed me to say more?...huh..okay..what a terrible awkward moment there..Enough already.

So..that was that..Pearl..texted me saying she wants to bring me lepak kdai Kaling..

Bye2 peeps..

hugs and kisses..

me..

No hope.

I feel like something is not right. I dunno why..but my heart is pumping hard as if i just finished a 1500meter runs. I feel scared, and worried...Could it be the signs of my pMS again?erghhh..it is so hard to be a woman.

I guess im just afraid of things and situation..in that i dont want it to change..now why am i being so selfish??now why am i talking about it here..i dunno..i cannot do anything.

There are few things that i am worried about..im worried about my schools..im worried about money..im scared of feeling lonely..im scared of humiliation..there is nothing but negative vibe surrounds me now..I just need those comforting sounds and words to cheer me up now..

I feel so weak at times like these..when i have to console my own feelings..I almost give up..give up on life..give up on everything..but something keep me going..wat is it?Go figure.

here i am..talking about my weakness..in which i shouldnt be letting all of u know..yea..im actually a very weak person..im actually a very sad person..now all of u know..why im here..