i LOVE and i LOST

"This is a lesson for you like it was for me, and it's not just the fact that you lost the one you really2 love with all your heart, it's the fact of starting over in a sense..like pickin up the pieces and knowing who cares around you and then when someone goes through the same shit like you did, you will be like me, to help and to share and understand because that's what they need most.."someone told me this.

True.

Perhaps this is gonna be the ending of my complicated love life. All these while, ive been dealing with all sorts of dramas and merry-go-rounds..I think eventually im the one who need to bring myself up..The one who need to quit being patient..the one who need to quit of all sickening hopes in me..Im not sure if this is what i really want..or if i can really make myself deal with it..I dont know.

Am i afraid?You can say so..Perhaps im just afraid of losing him forever..should i? I cant keep pretending that he is gonna love me or pretending that everything still remain the same between us when its obvious that im no longer the girls who used to have a place in his heart.

I came to a point where i feels like questioning the past..where i began to feel like its not my fault for making a mistakes..Thers always a reason why certain things occur and i dont think im the one who breaks it..Perhaps this is what i am..disposable.

I feel so sad. So sad to accept that im alone. Theres nobody to find comforts for...Loner..thats my middle name for now..How i wish i can jsut dispose u from my heart in just a prick of finger..How i wish..

Dont come and judge me when i say i wanna forget you. I hope i can knock some senses in you, just to make u understand how it feels like to be in my shoes..U walk away, u came back and u leave..again.

I remember the day u came back..and i was the one who always stand by you..Move along with your so-called new life..so-called new principal..so-called new perception..I was the one who listen to everything in you..who adore you..who be there for you..

In the end..whose gonna save my ass?I love and i lost.