wits end.

Just when i thought i never felt those hurts again..i was damn wrong. At times i feels so empty..its like i need to cut myself to feel things..ironically, when i think i am ready enough to let everything go and make a fresh start..those hurts came just at the wrong time..and it really struck me straight to the heart.

I may not be the best girlfriend to you as i made so mistakes in the past. But i thought u know me so well that despite all the mistakes i done, u surely know that whatever it is, i still loves u stronger than before. Maybe i deserve this, maybe i don't..but one thing i surely know, nobody can love u as much as i did. You wont see it through things that i cant even afford to give you, through proudness and perfection, through beauty and charm..what i can offer you is just me but I guess i am not good enough.

Once again, i made a mistake that i know i will soon regret. Its like Deja Vu, I knew it will happen, i even saw it happen in the images of my mind, but i guess i wast sure about wat am i thinking when i ask for it..the closure. I shouldnt have ask u for the closure because it actually hurts even more. I should've just be gone without any words and goodbyes because totally..im not very good at saying farewells..especially to you.

Im sorry for just walking and turning away just like that..Im sorry for breaking the code..Im sorry for the words, questions i put you through..i know im such a pain in the ass..i acted like a dumb blonde..im sorry that I annoys you..I guess im trying to provoke your anger because i dont wanna looked weak. Im sorry because i was stupid and i never been good to you..

*sigh*

And now...i feel so empty again..its like my life is meaningless..these breath i take is just a useless oxygen..i feel numb again..Lost i called it. If I could i wanna run away..even when everyone says running away wont solve anything..i still feels like running away because thats the only way I could feel..what it feels like to be disconnected in every ways...

I know i will not hear from you again..im not sure if u are going to read this but it wont matter too anyway..it still doesnt change the fact that im not good enough for you..Disappointed?I am.